1.21 Giga-WTF?- World Famous Oasis Bar Awesome 80s Run 2019 Report

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 So... today's race was kind of a bust, but in a way that I'm totally fine with.

My alarm was set for 5am, but since I had a hard time falling asleep last night (didn't get to sleep until past 11:30), I snoozed for an extra half-hour until about 5:25, then got up for my pre-race stuff (got dressed, did my hair, used the bathroom, all that fun stuff). I was done by 5:40, so I chilled out on the couch with Twitter and orange juice until quarter after 6 (think of how much more sleep I could have enjoyed...).

I left the house around 6:30 and fired up the Garmin... which gave me an ETA of 7:55. Um, what the hell? The race doesn't even start until 9! (I think my problem is that I get my travel time from Google Maps, who determines the amount of time at that moment, so of course it would take a lot longer to get there at 3pm, versus 6am. I'm a horrible overplanner, though, and this probably won't change).

Not a soul in sight

At least, this early in the morning, the drive was quiet and peaceful. As I got closer to the coast, Garmin routed me via Crescent Beach, since the race site was closer to CB than it was to St. Augustine. Since I had plenty of time, I went south on A1A (Beachfront Avenue), enjoying the scenery.

As I drove south, I was ogling all the Rich People beach houses, the Poor People beach houses, the Everyone Else beach houses, and the views in between them. At some point, after 5-10 minutes of driving, I went over a little bridge, and saw that I was crossing the Mantanzas Inlet, which would lead out to the Atlantic Ocean. There were a bunch of fishermen on the bridge, and a bunch of surfers, too, and as I looked to my left, I saw these massive waves coming up off of the ocean and I knew I needed to stop and get some photos. I turned onto this tiny little side road (that I would otherwise never have taken), and ended up in some weird pull-off area. There was this big rocky breakwater, so I  couldn't get down to the water or the sand. I stayed there for 10 minutes or so, taking as many photos as I could, then got back in the car and headed north to the World Famous Oasis Bar & Grill in St. Augustine Beach.

The photos don't do it justice at all

The rocks are the breakwater

Even with the time I wasted playing tourist in Crescent Beach, it was still only 8:05 when I got there. But at least I got a good parking spot! I headed inside, because from where I'd parked, I couldn't see anyone outside, so I assumed packet pickup was inside... NOPE! I opened the door and the entire place was packed full of locals eating breakfast! To cover my embarrassment, I used their bathroom, then headed back outside to look for packet pickup. When I found it, I got a cool pint glass, a dorky pair of neon pink Roy-Bons, and my bib. No shirt, though... totally OK with that...

Pint Glass & Faux Ray-Bans

I headed back to the car to stay dry (it had begun to rain), and played on my phone for 20 minutes, then headed up to the start line at 8:45.

So much bad 80s in this place

More bad interpretations of 80s by people who didn't live in the 80s

It was hard to hear what the Race Director was saying when he picked up the bullhorn, but the main message was that the race was being cut, because of an unusually high tide cutting off parts of the course. Now... I didn't even know until last night that the race was even going to be a beach run, so I was okay with this decision. After the Great Tijuana Flats Vomit Fiasco of 2016, I've not been a fan of running on the beach. With the decision to change the course, though, there would only be about 1 mile on the actual beach (with 1/2 mile each to and from the beach). I can handle that.

These glasses suck, by the way

I got my start line selfie (in front of one of the two runners dressed up like Mario & Luigi), and then off we went, down Ocean Trace Blvd, on the way to the beach.

Oooh, girl in the black, just... just no...

I, unfortunately, got stuck between these four twenty-something hags, walking abreast, talking so loudly, with horrible vocal fry that I wanted to just run them over. (If you don't know what Vocal Fry is, watch this video below:)

I really don't know why it annoys me so much (the mindless talking, not the vocal fry... I know why the fry bothers me), but I think it's because, hey, I'm over here busting my ass, trying to better myself, and these girls are like, just out for a walk at the mall.
 

They haven't worked my last nerve... yet...

I can't bitch too loudly, though... even after all these years, I still feel embarrassed if people hear me actually exerting myself. Like, I would feel stupid if I ran past them to get ahead of them, breathing heavily but not running very fast, and then having to slow down once I got past them. In my head, I hear them saying geez, she's so fat, she can't even run 15 feet without quitting! Hahahahaha! Fatass.

So, I was stuck behind them for the majority of this stupid race.

We had to walk through really soft white sand to get to the actual beach, which of course, is very hard to walk on.

Also, at this point, on the beach itself, we not only had to dodge return runners, we also had to dodge regular beach goers, dogs, kids, fishermen, the tide, and even fucking trucks because this is a beach on which you can drive your cars! Completely horrible planning. I was over this race before I even started, really, but once I almost got run over by a dude in a 4x4, I was just done.

But the waves were high and beautiful, so I spent the majority of the time enjoying Mother Nature's beauty and treated it as a walk on the beach and nothing more.

A beautiful morning to be a fisherman

The turnaround was a joke, just two people sitting in beach chairs telling us to turn around and go back.

Here comes Mario & Luigi

Near the end, my four bitches were complaining about how tired they were, that their feet were numb, and they wanted to take a break. Really, bitch? It's been 1.5 whole miles and you're tired? Since they were so tired, they'd slowed down a lot, and I was able to get past them, and when I got back onto solid ground at Ocean Trace, I put on some speed to get further ahead of them.

My unofficial official time was 32:56 (17:43 pace) for a 1.8 total mile race. Using Active's pace calculator, my actual 5k time would be 55:34. I was 53rd out of 57 total runners, and 14th out of 16 F40-49. Is this a good time for me? Nope. But I didn't care... I ran on a fucking beach. I'm just glad I finished without puking.

I picked up my medal and got a fun photo at the finish line, both with my camera, and the race photographer's camera, then went looking for snacks.

Rock that side pony, you sexy mama

Ugh, so much bad 80s behind me, too!

There was beer. But no water. No snacks. Oh, wait, I take that back, they had a big Igloo jug of water (like what you'd see at little league games for the kids).

After walking around to chill a little more, I headed upstairs for the award ceremony and door prizes. And just like downstairs, the bar was open, too, so it was filled with patrons eating breakfast and having no idea why people who were stinky and sweaty were invading the bar... just so weird!

Yep, it's a bar, at 10 in the morning...

With nowhere else to sit, I ended up sitting at the bar, and I felt bad; I should have gone back down to the car to get some cash so I could have at least purchased a Coke or something.

The award ceremony was done based on Pace Time, since you couldn't score on actual 3.1 mile time. Did I get an award? Yeah, right!

After that, was the Door Prizes. These folks do door prizes differently, going to Dollar Tree and picking up some randomly stupid shit and giving it away, rather than bigger ticket prizes like shoe insoles or KT Tape. This time they had generic Oreos, Top Ramen, Ajax dish soap, Clorox soap, tooth paste and hand sanitizer. Oh, and fruit snacks. I was really jazzed, because if I won, I was going to grab the Ajax, simply because of Deadpool jokes (see the video if you don't get the joke).

Unfortunately, the lady next to me was chosen, and she took the Ajax. But, I was also chosen, and since I was the last winner, I was stuck with the Clorox Scentiva Spring Scented Hand Soap.

I love this photo so much! Fifty chins and all

I took the soap to work a few days later; it's too shitty to actually use at home

Once everything was over, I headed back downstairs, and back to the car, with a pit-stop at their sign for one more selfie.

I think my selfie filter was set to "No Eyebrows"

I took all the junk out of my pockets and tried to figure out where to change clothes. I ended up at Winn-Dixie, and purchased some of their store brand chocolate milk and honest-to-goodness Lofthouse Cookies. By this time, I was past ready for food, so I shoved two cookies in my face way too quickly, and chugged some of the milk (which was really good!).

After that, I drove around A1A to see where I ended up when I came into town from this direction (I ended up at the Amphitheater). I turned around and went toward SR312 and spent way too much time at Party City, debating Halloween costume ideas (I picked up a Devil costume and went to my company luncheon as a Deviled Egg).

I was going to go to Beall's, but I had to pee and I needed food, so I took a quick stop at Dollar Tree to pick up more supplies for the luncheon, some random stuff for my office, and some random personal stuff.

Those two cookies didn't last me very long, and I knew I really needed to eat, or suffer a headache later (spoiler alert... I suffered a headache later), but nothing looked enticing (well, Chick-fil-A did, but not on a Saturday at 12:45, no thank you). I ended up at Panda Express, which was meh.

I set Garmin to take me home, with stops at RaceTrac for gas and Dunkin' for a maple frosted donut.

Can I take a moment? I need a moment? Why has Dunkin' become so fucking stingy with frosting? I worked at a Dunkin' - when it was a Dunkin' Donuts, thank you very much - 25 years ago. We frosted those bitches. You got messy. You could taste the frosting. You couldn't see the top of the donut because of all the frosting? Now??? They've become the Lacroix of donuts... if you close your eyes and think about Canada, it's a Maple Frosted.

Okay, rant over...

All I wanted to do for the rest of the day was put on my jammies and veg out on the couch. I wanted to go home and get naked and crawl into bed and do the things you do in bed when you're naked, but nooooooooooooooooooo... I made a promise to the kiddo that she and I would have a Mommy/Daughter karaoke night. So I had to get all dressed up and hit the town. (Who'm I kidding? I loved every minute of it! I sang so hard I can't speak today, it's like I have bronchitis!)