The Wetter, the Better - LASIK and the Following Days

I think something went wrong during my laser eye surgery… 

I can see just fine but I can’t figure out how to shoot the lasers

I kid, of course. Let's back up. 

On Tuesday, I scheduled a Lyft to take us to Eye Associates, as well as scheduling a pizza delivery for Wednesday night (I didn't know how I'd feel afterward and I certainly wasn't gonna cook!) I set my watch alarm for 5:30am, but didn't sleep well; I was too wound up. Both of us were fully awake and ready to go by 6:30am. I ate a little bit of breakfast, as instructed (so the Xanax didn't irritate my stomach), and dressed in a comfy outfit (leggings, oversized hoodie, and sneakers). Our Lyft driver showed up early and we arrived at Eye Associates before they were even officially open!

...but so ready!

What other socks would be as appropriate?

Once inside, I officially paid for my procedure, with a single credit-card swipe for $3,360 (oof, that hurt) then tried to sit calmly in the lobby. As painful as it was to make that payment, I had to remind myself that it covered the pre-op, procedure, and four follow-up visits, as well as amazing customer service by everyone involved). Oh, and because I used a credit card with rewards, I earned $33 in rewards (and I'll use my FSA to pay back the credit card). 

$2,880 paid via FSA (installments via paycheck)      $480 "Out of Pocket" Paid

I got called back around 7:15am, where a very calm and reassuring nurse covered my hair with a cap and put some paper booties on my feet. She washed my orbital/eye area (eyebrows to upper cheeks) and gave me to "magic pills" (which I assume was the Xanax, but I don't know the dose). I was left on a slightly uncomfortable stretcher for about a half-hour while I chilled out to let the Xanax kick in. 

No stray hairs allowed!

Booties over Keds - all the kids are wearing it this way

The nurses came back to check on me a few times. At one point, Dr. W came by and put some Naphcon-A drops in my eyes; it's not something that everyone needs, but he was worried about bleeding during the procedure, so better safe than sorry!). They also gave me the numbing drops at this point. He asked if I was nervous, and I said yeah, but I'm not trying to think about it, so they gave me another pill (uh... okay!) Weirdly, I never felt my eyes go numb. I guess because you don't feel your eyes to begin with, you wouldn't feel them go numb, either...

Maybe five minutes after this, they walked me into the Lasik room. I remember that it was big, but all I could focus on was the actual bed/machine. The room was large (seemed too large, really) and there were different pieces of furniture or tables in the room (like surgical stuff), but all I could focus on was this smaller than I was expecting but still huge bed. Flat as hell, with a C-shaped apparatus at the head of the table. I was instructed to lay on the bed with my head under the C-arm. I was given a bolster to put under my knees to help with back strain, and then they began to move the bed to get me centered under the lasers and lights. I kept wanting to tip my head back and raise my chin, but Dr. W kept telling me to tuck my chin down (yeah, double-chin!). Eventually with the help of an additional little pillow, they got me where I needed to be. 

There was one nurse to the right of me who was narrating the entire thing for me, telling me what to do, which was great - it eliminated any surprises that might startle me. As we began, all I had to do was just look at the green dot in the C-arm. They taped my left eye closed and then put a patch over it to keep it moist, and ensure that I wouldn't see anything or have the urge to blink. On my right eye, Dr. W had me look up toward my forehead so that he could use a super-secure sticker-type thing to hold my eyelid open. Then I looked down toward my chin so he could pull my bottom lid down. Once the two lids were open wide, he inserted a spreader that rested on the stickers and tightened it to keep my eye open wide (imagine A Clockwork Orange, but with less violence). As I sat there with my eyeball out to the world, they used ample amounts of irrigation solution (sterile water) to keep my eyeball moist. 

If you get squeamish about eyeball stuff, you might want to just scroll on down until you get to the funny Cat video down there... I'm going to be as detailed as possible! Ready? Ready. Let's keep going. 

Click for More Info

The C-arm above my head had eight bright white lights, two red dots (which I assumed were the actual lasers), and a green light. My entire job for the next 15 minutes was to stare at this green light, unless Dr. W told me to do otherwise. It was cool as hell, too... I was seeing lots of weird shapes and bad-ass fucking fractals (though to be fair... I may have been tripping out because of the Xanax). As I stared at the green light, I was told that I was going to feel some pressure. This was the part I was most worried about, because I didn't know how much pressure I'd feel, and I was worried that it would cause a migraine once this was all over (it didn't). And honestly, it wasn't much more pressure than what you'd feel when you rub your eyes after a long day. The pressure came from an instrument that I envisioned to look like a cup on a stick, with the cup... well, cupping my eye. This instrument is what was cutting a flap on the surface of my eyeball. As they put it on, they said that my vision would begin to disappear and yeah, it totally did! My field of vision started to shrink, from the outside in, like an old-school TV that was turning off, until there was just a super-tiny pinpoint left. I could see vague shadows for a minute, but eventually that disappeared too. It was weird as hell to see vague shadows in your vision when you know your eye is wide open, and kind of trippy, too. 

Once the flap was created, there was some quiet buzzing, which was the laser, then a burning smell! They may have told me, or I might have assumed, but I'm pretty sure the smell was the laser actually reshaping my cornea (I just googled it, and apparently it wasn't burning anything; the smell was the chemical reaction from the reshaping). With the cornea reshaped, my flap was put back, and I could begin to see the lights again, and went right back to staring at the green light. Dr. W shone a light sideways across the surface of my eye to ensure that the flap had seated correctly. When he was satisfied with the flap location, he started brushing my eye with something white. My brain imagined a tiny silicone spatula frosting a cake. The nurse didn't narrate this part, but I'm assuming that they're kind of smoothing the flap back down so it can begin to reattach and heal. The whole time that he was stroking my eyeball, he was squirting more drops into my eye and then timing it (I remember him asking a nurse for the time at one point). Then he'd repeat the process - wipe, drops, wipe, drops, wipe, drops. Once he finished the wiping and dropping, that eye was done! They proceeded to repeat the process on the left eye (spread it, cut the flap, laser the eye, wipe/drop/wipe, done). Seriously, that was soooo much easier than I was expecting! (I found out later, that in between eyes, someone was nice enough to go out to the lobby to let Hubby know that they'd finished one eye already and were moving on to the next). 

When both eyes were done, and released from the Clockwork Orange spreaders, they sat me up and walked me over to the Split Lamp machine (where you put your chin in it) so he could get a good close-up look at his handiwork. He said that everything looked great, then took me next door to a recovery room while a nurse when to get Hubby. Dr. W said that there were no issues, everything went well, and left us with the nurse, who gave us my post-op instructions. I was instructed to go home and sleep (yes, please) and wear a pair of goggles at all times for the next 24 hours, even when sleeping and around the house. Also, don't rub my eyes (hard to do in goggles), use the prescription drops every two hours, and just rest my eyes as much as possible. I was scheduled to come back the following morning for the first of four follow-up visits. 

I have never felt sexier than this moment

The entire event, from getting there that morning, to getting in the Lyft to go home, was under three hours. The surgery itself was probably ten minutes per eye. Maybe fifteen. 

Welcome back! Let's continue. 

When we got home, I crawled back into bed, as instructed, and at first, I didn't think I was going to be able to sleep; 1) because the goggles suck, and 2) my brain was going a mile a minute. But next thing I knew, it was noon, Hubby was waking me up to check on me, and encourage me to do my eye drops. I went back to sleep for another hour or so, but finally had to drag my ass out of bed at 2pm. Seriously... the BEST sleep I've had in YEARS... I totally understand why people like Xanax now! 

Anyway, out of bed, I just futzed around the rest of the day (still in my super-sexy goggles, of course!). I sat on my ass and watched stupid stuff on YouTube and surfed the internet. I ate pizza for dinner and cake for dessert, watched silly TV, and passed out HARD by 9:30. 

So, this cake is masterful...
Not only does it have the Googly Eyes and funny eye puns, but also...
the writing is pink, like Pink Eye!

The following morning, I was able to drive us over to the office. I was still seeing some stars and haloes around headlights, but was later assured that these should go away in a month or so. They tested my vision again and said it was 20/20-2 (this means that I missed 2 out of 5 letters on the 20/20 vision line). Dr. W checked my eyes again with the Slit Lamp machine and said that everything was looking exactly like it should. I will need to continue my eyedrops for the next week, wear the googles while I sleep for the next week, and refrain from anything that would strain my yes (like pooping too hard or weightlifting, but I was given the okay to participate in the Carry Forward 5k this weekend). I was given a paper to carry in my car, in case I have an encounter with law enforcement who inquires about the "corrective lenses" endorsement on my driver's license. Eventually, I'll need to change that with the DHSMV, but I'll do that when my license is due for renewal in a few years. On the way home, I picked up a bagel from a local bakery and a big ass soda from Circle K. I spent the rest of the day dropping my eyes, trying not to touch my eyes, and zoning out to YouTube (I'm so bored!) I got some laundry done too, taking advantage of the time away from work. On Saturday, I did the Carry Forward 5k in Jax, and besides one bout of dry eyes, I had no issues. 

During the week after the procedure, I've been putting drops in my eyes four times a day, plus using a preservative-free type of eye drop called iVizia to combat dryness, which is a major issue after Lasik. I've definitely noticed an increase in dryness as I get further away from the surgery. 

But... let's talk about these goggles. They suck. They SUCK. I know they're needed, and I understand why they're needed. But they put pressure on my face in a way that instantly triggers headaches for me. And in an attempt to avoid that pressure, I am apparently sleeping in weird positions that put strain on my neck, which - you guessed it - triggers headaches. I've been dealing with constant headaches for the last three days thanks to these things. Also, because my eyes are trying to get used to their new normal, they feel very tired. Imagine a camera that has auto-focus, how it goes in and out of focus constantly trying to get a clear picture... that's what I feel my eyes are doing, and it's tiring. And headache-inducing, lol. 

At my one-week follow up yesterday, we did all the testing again, and I was told that I was looking excellent. I stated that I felt like my vision got a little worse, and Dr. W stated that it might be because of dryness... If eyes feel dry, they've been dry. So I should increase my use of eye drops - the wetter, the better, he said! I don't have to use the prescription drops anymore, nor the goggles (thank God), and I can start wearing eye makeup again, like mascara. It's also safe to allow water near my eyes, such as washing my face or showering. No swimming for quite a while! 

I'll go back after Thanksgiving for my one-month follow up, and then in early March for my three-month (and final) follow up. I've been advised that whatever vision I have in March will be what I have forever. The stars and haloes should clear up, but may not go away completely. I'll still need readers, but I've been rocking those for years already anyway. 

So, the verdict? Am I happy that I did this? ABSOLUTELY. It's only been a few weeks and I have the same vision I had with my contacts, but none of the bullshit problems I had with those. Every day I feel like my vision is getting incrementally better. I'll see something and think, could I see that the day before? or was that sign always there? I'm hopeful that my night vision improves, but I've had stars and haloes for so long, I don't think I'd know what to do without them, lol!

And lastly, I'm wildly happy that I chose to stay local and go with Eye Associates of Gainesville! Everyone at EAoG knows my name and took care of both me AND Hubby while we were there. There were no coupons or sales, but for the price I paid, the service and quality cannot be beat. I'd recommend EAoG to anyone in the blink of an eye. #NotSponsored, I promise. They're just that good! 

I'll leave you with a few more jokes, including the one I told everyone at the doctor's office while I was loopy on Xanax!

 

Where do rabbits get their eyes checked?
--At the HOPtometrist! 

What do you call a clumsy ophthalmologist?
--An Eye Dropper!

Taking My Contacts Out... For the Final Time!

Back in the day, School Nurses actually did a lot of real work. One thing they did was annual Vision and Hearing checks. When I got my vision checked, she told me that I needed glasses. I never knew my vision was bad! On the way to get glasses, my dad pointed out a far away road sign and told me to say when I could see it clearly. We got closer, closer, closer, until it was almost parallel to the car before I could crisply and cleanly see the speed limit sign. I said so, and he whistled under his breath. Yeah, I needed glasses. So, I spent the last 2 years of high school in some dorky wire-rimmed glasses. 

I miss that gloriously thick hair (The guy? Not so much)

I also had them in my first year of college, and I can confirm that guys DO make passes at girls who wear glasses, because I got married to a hot guy that year. 

Today I Learned that this phrase is actually a poem by Dorothy Parker!

I used some of my student loan money in my second year of college to finally get contacts, and man, I never went back to glasses! So easy to wear, I was never 'blind' again! I wore them all the time, longer than I was supposed to, even sleeping in them every night. The only downside was that they were expensive back then! And we were pretty poor when we first got married. So I started hoarding them; instead of throwing them away at the end of the week, I'd clean them and put them into rotation. I'd wear two pair, rotating them every week, until they irritated my eyes so much I had to rip them out and throw them away. I did this for years, even after the need to hoard and save money had gone away. It was just habit at this point. 

Over the past few years, though, I don't know what changed, but I would start to get irritated eyes much easier than I used to. It felt like at least once every few months, I had to take a contact out and suffer through a day or two of an eye infection. Like, the logical part of me knew that it was all my fault that I was suffering, because I didn't change my contacts, but it was just such an ingrained habit that I never changed what I did. 

Around 2020, I started thinking seriously about Lasik. A lady I know at work had it done, and she told me about it - and how much it cost - and I realized that it was something I could probably do! I'd always thought that Lasik would require multiple days of me being laid up, not being able to see, not being able to function as a human, and not being able to be the boss of the family (you know, the cooking, the cleaning, the Mom's Taxi?) But I was wrong! 

And, then, of course... Covid happened. Shit got weird and I put thoughts of Lasik on the back burner until 2022. At that point, I made a plan to get it done in 2023. I set up a larger limit on my FSA (Flexible Spending Account) to cover the cost. I picked out some dates on my calendar to aim for. 

And then, 2023 happened. I got as far as going to the initial consultation to see if I even qualified to get Lasik, but after that, all hell broke loose, and there was no way I could take the time to deal with my eyes. Plus, because of some of my own health issues, I had to use up a lot of my FSA funds on other things. So I readjusted my plans, refilled my FSA and set a concrete plan for Lasik in the fall. 

And here we are! I've worn glasses or contacts for the past 30 years. And now... I've taken my contacts out for the very last time. It was a little sad, honestly? Like, it's it's been a part of my life for all of adulthood. And now? I can just throw it away with a little flick of my finger. It doesn't seem real yet, honestly. 

For the next week, just like for the pre-op time, my eyes will relax and go back to 'normal' before I go in for my Laser Eyes, and I join the ranks of People Who Don't Need Glasses. 

And I'll leave you with these parting words:

Your eyes aren't even real... they're just in your head!

Lasik Pre-Op

After finally thinking about it for more than two years, I am FINALLY getting Lasik this year! I had my consultation back in March, and because 2023 has been an absolute bitch, it got postponed until fall, mostly because I had to move it to the new fiscal year, to be able to use my FSA money. 

The consult back in March was a very basic exam, but the pre-op, which I had done yesterday, was a much more in-depth kind of exam. I had to remove my contacts a week ago, so that my eyes could go back into a natural resting state. I've had to wear some old glasses, which has been frustrating, especially while driving. Reading has been great though... don't need readers! 

Hubby came to the pre-op with me, so that he'd hear all the instructions. I did all the tests again, like looking at the red balloon, reading the letters on the wall, getting stared at with that "chin in a strap" machine (that's called a Slit Lamp, apparently... I looked it up later). Doc said that I have a lot of Keratitis Scarring from my years of irresponsible contact lens wearing. Oh, but then....

He asked me how old I was. I said I was 46. He made a little hmmph noise, then asked me if I knew I had a cataract. 

I'm sorry, what now? I have a WHAT? You must be mistaken... old people have cataracts. I'm not old. I'm... I'm... middle age!!!

But apparently I'm middle age with a cataract in my left eye. He did a few more tests while I filled out some forms to see if we could get Blue Cross Blue Shield to pay for the surgery (instead of out of my pocket), but after the additional tests, he thought it best that we wait; cataract surgery on someone under 50 could result in retinal detachment. Currently, my cataract is very small, so he suggested we take a wait and see approach - if it gets worse, we fix it. If it doesn't, yay for me. At the end of the exam, he deemed me good to go for Lasik. Awww, yeah, let's go! 

So, for now, I can put my contacts back in until the week before my procedure. At that point, I'll need to take them out (forevah!) and use two different types of eye drops to get my eyeballs nice and healthy and juicy and ready to go. 

I'm so stoked, I can't wait!!!!! 

But until then, I'll leave you with a joke: 

After my eye exam, my doctor had a concerned look in his face. 

I asked him, "What's wrong?"

He said, "Your test results don't look all that good."

"Oh no," I exclaimed, " Can I see them?"

He replies, "Probably not." 

 

This is the Year I Get LASIK!!!

After debating about it for a few years, I finally decided it's time to take care of my eyes. I originally kicked around the idea of doing it in 2022, but the money wasn't there. When doing my Annual Enrollment at work for 2023, I upped my monthly contribution to my FSA (Flexible Spending Account) as high as comfortably possible so that I'd have the majority of the cost just sitting there waiting for me. 

I spent the first few months of 2023 debating whether I should have the procedure done locally, or if I should take advantage of "coupons" available through my health insurance; I could save up to $1000 IF I got the Super Mega Lasik at Eyeballs 'r' Us... you know the typical deal I'm talking about. 

The issue was two-fold. How expensive is the Super Mega Lasik? And Eyeballs 'r' Us only had offices in metropolises like Tampa, Miami, and Orlando. Was it worth driving to Orlando to go to the big office, to save a possible $1000? And places never give you any idea of what costs are like, so I didn't even know if Super Mega Lasik would cost $5,000 per eye, or anything like that! 

So I made the decision to visit the local office first, Gainesville Eye Associates, to get a better understanding of everything, and then decide if I should get a second consultation at Eyeballs 'r' Us. 

I took some time off of work and went over there by myself. Hubby had to work and since it was just a consult, I didn't think it was anything he needed to go to. They tested my eyes with just about every machine they had, and I got the all-clear that even with my astigmatism in my right eye, I was a good candidate for Lasik!!

I asked the nurse (are they nurses if it's not, like a regular doctor's office? Are they iNurses, haha?) her opinion on why I should get it done here instead of Eyeballs 'r' Us. She said that GEA has been in town for decades, they've done thousands of procedures, and treatment here is caring and personal. Just from the 20 minutes I was there, I understood the "caring and personal" claim... everyone was just so nice!

She told me that to have both eyes done would be $3,600. That included the pre-op appointment, the procedure, and four follow-up appointments at one day, one week, one month, and three months post-op. I choked a little when I got the price, I won't lie, but after thinking about it, it didn't seem that bad. A single eye doctor appointment could be $100, so there's $500 right there. 

And once I knew that there needed to be multiple follow up appointments, I knew that staying in town was the smartest idea. If we went to Eyeballs 'r' Us, we'd need a hotel the night before and after, plus gas to and from, for five trips. And we'd both have to miss work, wasting precious Vacation Time we wanted to use for other things. 

So it's a no-brainer. I'm going to stay in town and go to the local guy for my Lasik.

I'm hoping for around June 2023, because there won't be a lot of work stuff to deal with, and I can afford the time off to recover for a few days. 

I'm getting Lasik!!!!! 

If you made it past Kermit, here's a joke for you...

How many eye doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?

One… or two? One? ……..or Two?