What Does an Appendix DO, Anyway? Besides Hurt?

Back in mid-May, Hubby was having a hard time... He complained of being really gassy. He wondered if it was just gas from hell, like when you need to fart but you just can't? Maybe it was constipation? He was just kind of miserable all day. He came to bed Wednesday night still complaining of these gas pains and an upset stomach, and they got worse throughout the night. There was a lot of cussing, vomiting, pooping, and writhing in pain. I'd ask him where the pain was and he never said that it was on his right side. He kept thinking that a massive poop would fix the pain. By three or four in the morning, he was just exhausted. He was muttering to himself and both of us were a little punch-drunk from lack of sleep. I finally fell asleep around 4, but he didn't get any sleep. 

I woke back up around 7am or so, and bless his heart, he was pale, sweating, and looked like death. I told him it was time to go to a doctor. And my husband, who generally hates doctors, immediately agreed with me. I got him dressed, packed a bag with my tablet, a book, some snacks (just in case we were there for a while), and decided to take him to a local Urgent Care Center. Again, we were still under the impression that he has a pooping problem, nothing more. 

So we got to the UCC and when we hobbled in, there's probably 10 people in the waiting room, and the nurses all looked completely frazzled. Turns out that their computers were down and they couldn't do anything. So we left, and headed to another UCC up the road. I turned into the wrong location, and I realized that I was at an ancillary ER. I debated leaving to go to the UCC, but something told me insurance costs be damned, take him to the ER. 

The lobby was empty so we were able to check in quickly. He peed in a cup and they took him back to a bed, put him in a gown, and got him hooked up on all the machines. I got a peek at the cup, and dear god, it looked like Amber Ale beer... It was way too dark, and I started to get really worried. (I mean, I'd been worried since about midnight, but this looked really bad, just sitting there). 

They gave him IV fluids, and some morphine (the Morphine, the better!) to lessen the pain, and he just relaxed a bit until one of the doctors came in to physically check him out. When they pressed on his right side, he realized that it hurt, and that was a big clue... It's probably appendicitis! Later, they swapped out the morphine for Dilaudid, which worked much better for him. 

Well, he got a CT scan done and yep, appendicitis. It was time to transfer him to The Big Hospital so that he could be admitted for an appendectomy. He got to ride in an ambulance, but I had to drive over myself, since I had the car. As I was pulling out, I saw the ambulance pulling out of the other exit, and... y'all... I lost it. I didn't plan to. I waved at the ambulance and said, please take care of him, and then I was gone. I think the stress and worry from the past 18 hours caught up with me, and I was just sobbing in the car. And I wasn't thinking straight because I actually thought that I could make better time to The Big Hospital via surface street shortcuts, than could the ambulance. So they went toward the interstate while I went toward the shortcuts. The only issue is that I turned the wrong way on the shortcut road, and was 5 miles out of my way in the wrong way before I realized where I was! So I doubled back, got on the interstate (like I should have in the first place), and went about 90mph to the hospital's exit. 

Parking was hellacious, and I think I found a spot about a quarter-mile away in a parking garage. I was practically running to the ER entrance, lol. When I got inside, holy crap! It looked like some sort of refugee camp. Now, I'll leave politics and social commentary aside, mostly, but damn, people... ERs are NOT where you go for primary care! Even if you're broke! Don't come to the ER because you have a splinter, then bitch because you've been there for 6 hours... there are actual emergencies that need to be taken care of before we can get the splinter out of your fingie, okay?

Anyway, I waited at a lobby window for about 10 minutes until it was my turn, only to be told I had to go to a different window for a Visitor Pass, since he was already in the ER. Twenty minutes later, I finally found him, parked in a bed that was just sitting against the wall in a hallway. The Big Hospital is a Level 1 Trauma Center (yeah, it's a good hospital), which is amazing, but that also means that there's never enough space for everyone in the ER. He was in good spirits, full of Dilaudid, and not feeling much pain at all. He'd already talked with one of the ER doctors, who explained what the next steps were. He would be held in the ER until such time as a room could be secured for him and he could be admitted to the hospital. At that point, he would relax until it was time for surgery. The doctor was patient with him, answering all of his questions, and putting him at ease. I'm so thankful for this doctor, being so patient and so caring!

Making the best of a miserable situation

We were in the ER for a few hours before his room was ready, and then he was wheeled upstairs. He got in bed, all wired up again, and napped on and off, while I was able to get comfy(ish) on the funky recliner in the room. I watched TV for a while, using Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy! to keep a sense of normalcy happening for me. I munched on some snacks, enjoyed some hospital ice, and worked on the outline for this blog post. 

What Is Appendicitis, Alex?

Every few hours they'd come in to check his vitals, and at 2am, it was finally his turn for surgery. I gave him kisses and watched him leave, and then I headed out myself. I drove home to check on the cat, and to get fresh clothes for both of us. On the way back, I got... dinner?... breakfast?... at Checkers. I thanked God for stoners at that moment, for keeping Checkers in business so that they can be open at 2:30 in the morning for a starving, stressed-out, distraught middle-aged woman to get French fries and a vanilla milkshake. 

Yum, midnight french fries!

Since it was almost 3am when I got back, I got a great parking spot, right outside of the building he was in! I went back up to our floor, but found a sitting area to finish my food - I didn't want him to return to a room that smelled like greasy food. Once I ate, I got a refill of that good hospital ice and headed back to the room. I straightened it up, just like a good little wifey, lol. I wanted the room to be warm and calming for when he came back. 

I think he was wheeled back in about 4am. Earlier, I'd asked about recovery, and they said I could come down, or I could just stay here. Apparently, I'd forgotten all about that! The orderly returning him to me said that when he woke up he was asking about me and was bummed that I wasn't there... oof, my heart. I felt so bad! 

For the next few hours, we slept (him much better than me, as you can imagine) in the dark, except for the few times they came in to check vitals. He was woken up around 8am for breakfast, and this man ate hospital food like it was the finest Michelin Star cuisine. (I tasted some of it, and it was as bad as I remember it being, the last time I had hospital food). About 2 hours later, he was released to go home. We had to wait a little bit to pick up some pain meds from the pharmacy downstairs, though. We walked - slowly - to the car (so close, thanks to that 3am adventure), and drove home. We crawled into bed and crashed for a few hours, holding hands and rubbing each others arms (cuddling was off-limits, obviously!). 

Both of us had the forethought to notify our supervisors about what was happening, so I was able to work from home the rest of the week, and he put in for a short-term Leave of Absence to recover. He works for a very large company, and anything like this is handled by a 3rd party company. What absolute aggravation to fill out these forms, and wait for the company to do what they need to do, all while also waiting for the ER doctors fill out authorization and return to work forms... He was feeling well enough to go back to work by the end of May, but it took forever for the company to get their shit together. I think he was finally back full-time by the end of JUNE! That blew our budget all to hell, but I'm happy to say that by moving things around, we never had to play the "Lights or Groceries?" game. Made me feel like a true grown-up. 

What else made me feel like a grown-up? Getting the bills... shudder.

Sticker price for this was $46,839! But after insurance and adjustments ($40,946), our out-of-pocket cost is only $5,892.26.

LOL... only $6,000. The bill was in two parts; one for the surgery and stay, the other for the ER. I was able to pay for the surgery and stay over a month or two, but the ER (the bigger of the two) kind of just sat there and mocked me. Eventually, I had the smartest idea! Set up a payment plan of a manageable amount per month, pay it with a credit card that earns cash rewards, then pay off that credit card every month. So, I am currently paying about $200 a month, basically interest-free, and earning $5 for each payment. There's no rush to pay it off early, because there's no penalty, so I'm just letting it ride, on auto-pay, until 2025. 

I can hear you, by the way, asking me... So, what does the appendix DO anyway? Well, let me educate you! 

The appendix is a worm-shaped tube attached to the large intestine of the human body. Modern researchers believe that the appendix helps to protect the body's internal environment from infection. Historically, it was thought that the appendix had no function, evolutionary theories believe it might have played a role in digestion. A great deal of evidence suggests that it is a vestigial or evolutionary remnant, which means that it used to serve a specific purpose, though it doesn't now. Several biologist support the theory that it was used by our herbivorous ancestors, as those people had a comparatively larger appendix, and it helped to digest tough herbivorous foods like tree bark. As we evolved and began to eat more easily digestible foods, the appendix lost its function. Some scientists believe that, in time, it will eventually disappear completely from the human body. 

In recent years, research has shown that the appendix has lymphoid cells, which helps the body fight infections; this suggests that the appendix also plays a role in the immune system, producing early defenses that help prevent serious infections in humans.

Other researchers believe that it produces and stores good microbes for the human gut. When good microbes are flushed out from the body, during times of dysentery or cholera, the appendix releases it's stock of "good bacteria" and reboots our digestive system. The fact that the appendix is located at the lower part of the large intestine through which food and microbes pass supports this theory of restocking the microbial flora of the digestive system. 

It's been a year since his appendectomy, and for the most part, he's healed perfectly fine. His procedure was laparoscopic, so there were three entry points: On his left side, his belly button, and in the crease between his pubic area and stomach. I can no longer see any scar in his belly button or crease, and just a faint one on his left side. He sporadically feels some pain there, we're not sure why. My assumption is that his muscles are just knitting back together; he also sat a lot during recovery, and he probably needs to stretch that area out, honestly! Once in a while, he has a hard time picking up or moving heavy objects (like big cases of bottled water, for instance), but that is rare. It's to the point that it's just something that happened last year, and he's moved on from it. 

We've knocked out about 75% of the medical bills; I think we have about $1,500 left to pay, and like I said, it's on auto-pay and I don't have to think about it. 

I hate that this episode made me think about our mortality. Yes, we know we're no spring chickens, and that, at some point, we'll have to deal with things like illness or surgeries. But dammit, I thought I'd have another decade before some sort of emergency happened. I was more worried about how to talk this doctor-hater into a prostate exam and colonoscopy! 

But until that happens, I will snuggle him and cuddle him and love him every single day. I want to have at least 40 more years with this man, and I want him as healthy as possible.