Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I Am Announcing a Goal..... Slowly

One of the things they (who are ‘they’ anyway?) suggest that you when you are trying to reach a goal is to TELL EVERYONE your goal so that there is accountability.   

I’ve never wanted to do this because I’ve never felt like I’ve needed to. I also felt like I would be made fun of when the inevitable failure happened. Of course, I never felt like I was striving for something either. I have a few adult accomplishments under my belt - I’ve graduated college, gotten married, bought a house, had a child, quit smoking 5 years ago, bought a brand new car – but none of these feel like I’m striving towards something for ME.  I’m a wife and a mom and I think that I have let myself linger in the background for far too long.

A few years ago, I worked at a company that paid for a fitness boot camp.  I signed up for it and went religiously – there were only about 5 of us that did, including one great guy who we lost last year to cancer.  I lost about 15 pounds during that time, and was able to do 15 man pushups. I still couldn’t run for shit and my cardio system could barely keep up – I would get dizzy a lot.   Once the program was over, I tried to continue going to the YMCA to get on the elliptical or treadmill, but it was not the same. I didn’t get the same feeling that I did at the boot camp.   

Due to the economy and people not wanting things constructed, I was laid off in 2009. Because the Y was in the same neighborhood as the company, and was frequented by LOTS of people who knew both me and where I no longer worked, I didn’t want to go and have people give me the pity “so…. How ARE you doooooooooing?” crap.  I didn’t die – I got laid off. I don’t think I have set foot back in the Y since then.

During the time I was laid off, I sat on my ass either on the couch or in front of the computer - it was now my job to FIND a job. It was hell.  I became much more sedentary than before. I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything.  The only upside is that throughout it all, I never did smoke or feel the need to smoke.

To be continued….