Hey... Let's Go Away for Christmas?

So... a few months ago (before Halloween, if I remember correctly), Hubby and I chatted with The Kiddo about Thanksgiving and Christmas plans, and knew that she wouldn't make it home for either (though she was planning more of a New Year's trip). At first, I was bummed and a little... adrift? I've been a parent for over 20 years! We always have Christmas together, and on Christmas DAY! I wasn't sure how to plan a Christmas that didn't happen on Christmas. 

And then it happened (that wily old man, my husband)… He casually commented that there was no reason that we needed to be home on Christmas day either, and suggested that we plan a quick little getaway somewhere? Nothing came from that little comment for a week or so, but it festered in the back of my head. Could we do this? Where would we go? Would it be expensive? So, I started up the Google Maps to see what would be within a day's driving distance that would be a fun "weekend getaway" type vacation. I started looking at Chattanooga, which would be about a seven hour drive from where I live. 

But as I started looking at the area and fun things to do, I wasn't getting that feeling, that "ooooh, I can't wait" feeling. I mentioned it in passing to Hubs, and he used a cool website called Within Hours, that will give you a list of places that are within parameters that you say. So, we looked up what was within 8-10 hours of home, and we landed on Gatlinburg. It's been a place I've wanted to go to, but never had a reason to go (he's not a hiker, we aren't skiers, we didn't think there was anything that would be fun for us). 

But now, I'm getting that ooooh, I can't wait feeling. I'm hoping to go see the lights at Anakeetsa, walk around the main drag, maybe pop over to Pigeon Forge, and drag hubby out to do some hiking in the Great Smokey Mountains. 

I haven't bought tickets for anything yet, and I'm way behind on booking a room... I just know that all the good stuff is either going to be taken, or way expensive! But I really want a hotel right on the Parkway, so fingers crossed! 

Right now, the plan is to drive on Christmas Day (I'm hopeful for low traffic levels), stay in Gatlinburg for two days, and then drive home. This will also give us a day between returning and Faux Christmas to do any last minute shopping and cooking prep. 

So, I guess this is one perk of being Empty Nesters... we can just pack up and spend a holiday in a whole other state! 

Sideswiped!? - Bridge of Lions 5k 2022

Such a cool logo this year!

For some reason, I woke up at 4am, which ended up being way too early! I drank a small bottle of White Cherry Gatorade (the worst flavor in existence) to pre-game against dehydration. I woke up hubby about a half-hour later, and we were on the road by 5am. We picked up some convenience store breakfast for him on the way, I drank some OJ during the drive, and got to Oglethorpe Park by 6:20am (again, way too early). We got what we thought was a great parking spot, facing the oncoming course (so he'd be able to see me coming though the front windshield, not the back window). I headed over to use the potties but I was so early, the potties weren't even set up yet! The guys from Honorable Discharge - yes, that's the name of the Veteran-Owned porta-pottie company! - told me to wait until they filled up the holding tank with water and the blue stuff (turns out, that blue stuff is comprised of several ingredients that help keep potties functional despite accumulating numerous... gross materials... over time. There's Biocide, which helps to block the growth of odor-inducing bacteria. There's dye, which helps hide the gross materials. Finally, there's fragrance, to cover up the putrescence of other people's funk). However, this did mean that I got to be the first person to potty there, so it was definitely clean for my delicate female tushy, lol. 

Back at the car, I geared up with all my stuff, left my frozen Gatorade out so it can thaw and be ready for me, and we headed across the Bridge of Lions to the start area. I got my bib and my shirt (I love this shirt!) then sat around and people-watched for 15 minutes (I can't stress enough how "too early" we really were...)

The shirt is just as cool, and really soft, too

With about 5 minutes to go, I shuffled to middle-back of the hordes of people (I'm not kidding either... there were over 1,000 finishers this year!) As I stood there, there were two older folks (maybe 60s?) who seemed very confused about what was happening, and it turns out they were early-morning tourists who saw the crowds and decided to check it out! They were standing next to a rack full of Veo e-Scooter Bikes and they asked if I knew how to rent them. I showed them the QR Code on the bike and told them that they'd need the app to rent the bike, and how to return it, and they said that they'd probably end up renting them after breakfast (I saw them later tooling along near the park, so good for them!)

Obligatory Start Line Skirt Shot

As is now tradition, we all sang the National Anthem right before it was time to go, but before the Race Director could say Go, he had to stop... The drawbridge on the Bridge of Lions was in the middle of being raised! Despite the race having a permit to close the bridge and roads. As you could imagine, the Race Director was extremely salty about this, and as the sailboat passed under and sailed through the other side, he encouraged us to Boooo the boat! Poor captain probably had no idea what was happening (assuming, of course, he could hear us at all...).

Boo this Sailboat Captain, Boo Him!

It only added a few extra minutes, though, before we could finally take off. I met up with Hubby on the other side of the start line and we walked the first half-mile, along Avenida Menendez (aka A1A), parting ways at the Davis Shores Lions. I put in my earbuds and sped up my walk, ending up walking about 99% of this race, because it was just too dang hot (yes, I say this every single year, and yes, I know that it's hot in July... in Florida, and yes, I know that that won't change, no matter how much I complain). 

Anyway, nothing of any importance happened in the first two miles. I swapped out my water for my Gatorade at Mile 2(ish) when I got to the car. I ran a little of the final mile, and it felt good, but with no shade, the heat was terrific, and I just went back to walking. My official time was 58:58 (pace 18:59). I was 972 out of 1033 total finishers, and 80/83 in my age group. 

I got my medal, my bottle of water, and a finish line photo, then grabbed some snacks and headed back to the car. I felt really good, despite the heat, with no major aches and pains. I think my 6 months' worth of balls to the wall cardio has been making a huge difference! 

As I changed out of my sneakers and put on my flip-flops, Hubby told me that the car in front of us had been sideswiped by someone as they drove down the street. The hit-and-runner totally crushed her side mirror and did damage to the side of her car. It also damaged an SUV a few spots behind us as well. Thankfully, our car was perfectly fine! I unpacked my pockets while the AC chilled the car down, and then we stuck around a bit, just in case the police officer wanted a statement from Hubby (he saw the entire thing). There ended up being no need to wait, so we left and headed over to the St. Augustine Beach Pier for a little cooling off. I was not prepared for the absolute gymnastics of taking off sopping wet running clothes and then trying to put on a tighter-than-I-remember bathing suit! I should have just left my running clothes on! We spent an hour at the beach, jumping over massive waves and generally acting way too young for our ages, and it was glorious! I took a few photos then we headed over to the showers to clean off our feet and flipflops. I ran water through my hair, too, to get out some of the salt and sand. 

Back in street clothes, we drove over to Schooner's for lunch. We got there right when they opened, so there was a line snaking out the front door, but we were seated quickly at a booth in the bar area. Hubby got a burger, and I got my favorite fried shrimp, with fries and mac & cheese. Unfortunately, the mac was very grainy and very unpleasant to eat, so I focused my attentions on the shrimp, which where as delicious as they always are. The fries, while fresh and crispy, were too much for me, because I got full too quickly! 

Fried Mayport Shrimp, Mac, and Fries

From Schooners, we hit one more stop... Buc-ee's. Thanks to an awesome little-known bit of info from Happily Ever Hanks on YouTube, we each got a case (yes, a case) of our favorite chips, as well as fountain drinks, Icees, and other goodies. (If you're in to travel, RV life, or bad dad jokes, HEH has you covered!)

Unfortunately, the heat and dehydration reared its ugly head, and I worked up a crappy headache on the way home. By the time I got home, I was feeling pretty bad, and I didn't want to cook, didn't want to go pick something up, and frankly, didn't even want to order pizza... I ended up making scrambled eggs and toast, and eating dinner in bed. I watched a little bit of TV but found myself asleep by 9pm! 

Since hubby took today off, I slept in, and it was glorious! I took some Aleve when I got up, and I've been drinking water all day, so I'm feeling a bit better. My plan for today is to do some laundry and just relax for the rest of the afternoon. 

Click the photo to register for next year's Bridge of Lions 5k

Seriously? ANOTHER Trip? Who You Think You Are?

So, just a few months after our epic Anniversary Adventure trip (last September, check it out starting with this post), Hubby randomly asks me where we're going to next! We talked about it for a while, and he calmly suggests that we look for a place to which we can fly! Hubby - who is afraid of heights, mountains, The Big World, and most importantly FLYING - is open to flying!

There's a caveat, though... he wants to go somewhere flat, like FLAT flat, with no mountains to deal with. He doesn't want to drive though anything like the western Pennsylvania/New York area, which we went through on our Wisconsin trip. He wants prairies and views and roads that go on for miles and miles and miles (though he didn't say this specifically...)

I asked him if we should do Cold Flat, such as northwestern "Flyover" states like Iowa, Idaho, etc, or Warm Flat, such as southwestern "Flyover" states like Oklahoma, Kansas, etc. He thought that Warm Flat was a good idea, so I played around with a few ideas.

Option 1 - Fly into Oklahoma City and drive up to Kansas, making sure to hit the Geographical Center of the Contiguous 48 states. Make our way west to Denver. Visit Colorado Springs, Colorado, then drive south to Albuquerque (in honor of Weird Al). Maybe visit Carlsbad Caverns, before driving East to Dallas and flying home. Though, we could also do this in reverse, flying into Dallas and home via Oklahoma City.   

Option 2 - Fly into Kansas City and head north to Omaha. Drive west through Nebraska to Wyoming, then at some point head south to Denver. Drive back to Kansas City and fly home from the same airport to which we flew in. Again, this could be done in reverse. 

Option 3 - Fly into St. Louis and visit the St. Louis Arch (he's liking the idea to visit - and go up in - the Arch). Maybe visit Mark Twain Forest before driving west through Kansas City, Topeka, Salina, Wichita and over to Oklahoma City, then Amarillo on our way to Albuquerque, before flying home from ABQ. 

He also wants to make sure that there's fun things for him to do, too, not just following me around when I take way too many photos of the Midwest!  We will definitely have to take into account that we CANNOT amass the massive stash of snackage that we've done on previous trips (unless we pack very lightly and leave lots of space in our luggage for return snacks). If we want to do more snack reviews, we'll have to do it in our hotel room or something, or one by one as we get the snacks, so we eat them all before flying home. 

As of this post (June 2022), it looks like one-way flights to St. Louis or Kansas City are averaging $175 per person (including all taxes/fees). That's a hefty chunk of money ($700 round-trip for both of us), and I feel like it sucks to blow that much just on transportation to or from a place, especially when we just did a huge road trip where the gas and SUV only cost $955! 

And worse, if we did Option 3, where we flew back from ABQ, return tickets are $400 each! I may want to look into where my local airport flies to, non-stop, and see if renting a car there would be a cost-saver, kind of like a hybrid Fly Trip/Road Trip... 

I dunno... right now it's just something we're kicking around, letting it rattle around in our brains, to see if it gains any traction. Like, I definitely want to go west, and I know it's going to cost more to fly than to drive, but I don't know if I'm ready to drop that much on plane tickets yet... 

We Took the Scenic Route - Gasparilla 8k & 15k Weekend 2022

So, normally, I break up my Gasparilla Weekend reports into separate race reports, but I'm just too lazy to do that this time around, so buckle up, my dudes, this may be longer (but much more entertaining) than a typical run report. 

We left around 11:30am, picking up drinks at Circle K and lunch from McDonald's, then getting on I-75. For some reason (that I still don't know...), it was extremely busy, both North and Southbound. As we drove south toward Tampa, I made an extremely stupid, and uneducated decision... 

See, in my brain, Veteran's Expressway (SR-589) dead-ended on SR-529 in the Disney area. So let's get on the Turnpike, I said! It'll be a no-brainer, and we could avoid all of this mess on the interstate. 

So we took the Turnpike... and it just got stupider from there. Repeatedly, Garmin kept telling us to turn around, or take the next exit, and I - being so sure of myself - continued to ignore those directions. 

See, the Veteran's Expressway does NOT connect to the Turnpike. Like, nowhere close. It's much closer to the Gulf side of Florida, wheras the Turnpike runs diagonally through the center of Florida. So every mile I travelled on the Turnpike, we were driving further and further away from where we were supposed to be going! At one point, Garmin tried to get us to leave the Turnpike and get on State Road 50, through Groveland, but again, I thought I was smarter than Garmin, so we didn't. 

We went all the way to SR-429 before I realized I was a damn idiot, so then we had to get on Interstate 4. Oh, man, it was so much worse than I-75, too! Yes, we were on I-4, on a Friday afternoon! It was terrible!!!  (We wasted 35+ miles because of my bullishness). 

But hey, on the upside, we ticked off a few new Florida Counties that we've never been to/through, so I got that goin' for me, I suppose.   

Red line (how we should have gone)
Blue line (how my smarty-pants ass went)

Not only was the traffic, and the misdirection, raising my stress levels, but also the fact that the Expo closed at 6pm, and we were getting in to Tampa pretty late (without the screw up, we'd have been there by 2:30pm). My "mildly curious" anger turned into "grumpy" anger by 3pm - we'd been on the road for almost 4 hours at this point - and we still had to detour to the hotel first. Because of stupid Covid bullshit, Hubby couldn't come in to the Tampa Convention Center without proof of vaccination OR proof of a negative Covid test (yes, this meant that I had to go get a stupid Covid test just to Show My Papers to gain entrance to a building). 

Now trusting Garmin, we followed the detour to avoid the crazy traffic on 275, hopping on to the Selmon Expressway... only to be rerouted BACK ON to Interstate 275 just minutes later!! Luckily, the exit to Veteran's Expressway was just a few minutes away, and the hotel was just a few after that. We got checked in, in a room right  at the top of the stairs (the one area I specifically requested in which we didn't want to be put), then I turned around and left. 

Back in the car, I discovered that, while I was checking in, Hubby had set the Garmin up to take me to the Convention Center, so it was ready for me when I came back downstairs. Awww, how sweet! I set it to "Avoid Highways" so that I could drive on surface streets (to avoid the Interstate craziness again), and headed out...

I parked at the Fort Brooke Garage, because it's the one near the trolley line and I can remember how to get back to that (i.e. I won't get lost). I Showed My Papers to gain entrance to the building, then showed them again to be branded with a stupid fabric wristband that I was required to wear all weekend (it wasn't a star, and it wasn't yellow, but it sure did give me some similar vibes). Upstairs, I picked up my bib, bag, and swag (woo hoo, another hat!), walked through the very small Expo, then headed back over to the hotel. We picked up dinner from Wawa next door (penne was a huge fail, but the burger was delicious, then we finally unpacked, I set out my race stuff for tomorrow, and headed to bed.

 

Pro Tip: Take a photo of where you parked so you don't forget

I woke up Saturday morning in pain... what the hell is wrong with this bed? It's so firm!! I was somehow sweaty and cold at the same time! Oh, and a huge pet peeve... the fitted sheet was really just a badly tucked-in flat sheet, so half the bed came unmade throughout the night. And we have two more nights here... sigh. 

I drank some OJ, tried to poop, and tried to will away the sinus headache I got from the down pillows. I woke Hubby up at 5:30 and we headed out about 20 minutes later. I was in my corral by 6:30 (cutting it way too close for my preference), and off I went! I met him at the overpass, and we walked together to Publix, where he likes to wait for me to finish. I put my earbuds in, put my game face on... and walked, lol. I ate a Honey Stinger at Mile 1 to make up for not doing it beforehand, then had to poop at Mile 2 (eww, potties). I walked again until Mile 3, then ran all of Mile 4. I pulled out my chews when I diverted to Gandy (about Mile 4.5), and noshed on those while I enjoyed the shade that Gandy provided. I rain again until Mile 6 (so I could put some distance between me and the few folks behind me... I was way back of the pack this year). 

As usual... in the back

At one point, I realized that the Tail Cop Car was in FRONT of me!? Then I realized that the gaggle of We're Here to Look Cute and Walk, too! Teal Tee ladies were in front of me too! But I passed them miles ago and they were dead last at one point... How the fuck are they way up here now? Trying to think positive here... maybe they were dead last and ordered to turn around (I've seen that happen before), and now they're in front of us... but still (!) the Tail Cop Car should be behind the actual last people, not hanging out with middle-age Wine Moms... So I made it my mission to get in front of the gaggle and the cop car, and I did! 

This may be one of my most favorite race photos ever!

But I paid for it... it's just so fucking hot out here today! Looking at my data later (at the hotel), my heart rate went up to 150bpm, which isn't the best (it's about 88% of my MaxHR). Between the heat and my heart, I was just over it... I walked the final few miles. As I crossed the finish line, my name was announced! First time in doing this race, I had my name announced. Hubs had a huge smile on his face, like, yeah, that's my sweaty overweight running wife, right there!! You all heard her name!! For some reason, my results never showed up online, but my watch shows that I finished just under three hours, with a time of 2:45:11. While obviously not my best time for this course (that was 2:37 back in 2015), it wasn't my worst either, so yay for me! 

This year's and last year's medals 

I picked up my water, my ice-cold sweat rag, and my medal. I took a quick picture with my 2021 and 2022 medals, then headed back to the car. Since we were only on the 2nd floor, and after asking if I was okay with it, we took the stairs. My HR was back through the roof, and I was a little dizzy. When we got to the second floor, he realized that he took me to the wrong garage!!! So I had to go back downstairs, cross the street, then back UP more stairs, to our car, in the correct garage, lol. 

Back at the hotel I crawled into a hot bath - and I'm pretty sure I fell asleep in it, only to be woken up when the water got cold!  I relaxed in bed after, with a soda, a Milky Way, and a White Cherry Gatorade (eww, it tastes like hot feet). After a while, we perused Google for some lunch ideas and settled on a restaurant nearby called "Mom's Place," which may be one of the best kept secrets of the Tampa area... I got pancakes with bacon and a single scrambled egg. Hubs got a Ham & Cheese burger (yes, a burger with shaved ham and cheese on top!). Everything was delicious, although the bacon was just a hair too crispy for me (yes, I know I'm a Bacon Snob). The pancakes were spectacular. They were yeasty, malty, something-y... I can't put my finger on what made them so damn good, but I inhaled them. Both meals, with tax, were $25!

Pancakes w/a side of bling

One scrambled egg & three bacon strips

Full of carbs back in the car, Bad Influence Hubby turned to me and said, "Hey, wanna get some ice cream and watch some airplanes land?"

Uh, yeah!

First, Garmin took us to DeConna, but that looked to be some sort of warehouse, so we looked for a different place and found something called "The Revolution." They're a small local ice cream store, with just 3 or 4 locations in the Tampa/St. Pete area.  It was started by Bill Workman, making ice cream in his home kitchen for his friends and family, breaking the mold with ingredients like habaneros and candied bacon. The company loves to give back to their community, events are organized through churches and clubs, and even their shops serve as galleries for local artists! 

Inside was empty (thanks, Covid) with just a few employees, but the employee who helped us out was awesome. We had no idea what to expect, and she walked us through a lot of choices, allowing us to sample anything we wanted. 

So... non-binary people should choose one of two... binary... options? 

I sampled Mint Want Cookies (Mint-based ice cream w/Andes candies, chocolate chip cookies, and cookie dough) and felt it was too much... If it was JUST mint with the Andes, it would have been delicious, but the fully baked chocolate chip cookies threw it off. 

Flavor List from The Revolution's website

I ended up with Porky's Delight (vanilla ice cream loaded with bacon and bacon brittle) and hubby got What's Up Nutter Fudger? (chocolate ice cream, crunchy peanut butter, and peanut butter wafers, suckas!). I loved mine, but actually wished there was NO bacon in the ice cream, only more bacon brittle. The brittle was something that was added as a topping, not mixed in, and the bites with brittle were delicious; the cold bacon was weird. When I asked the employee if the ice cream base had been "bacon infused" or "brittle infused," she refused to answer. But there was something besides vanilla in that base, and it was delicious... I could eat a vat of it! Two cups of ice cream cost about $10, which isn't bad for local, handcrafted ice cream of this quality. The flavors were a little too... out there, maybe?... for my liking though, and I probably wouldn't go back. 

We took our ice cream back to the parking lot of Pinsetters Bowling Alley and just watched airplanes take off and land for an hour... very interesting, honestly! I've never really seen it before, and it was very educational (especially for him, since he's still leery of flying). Back at the hotel, I was still somewhat sore from that morning's event, and I'm fending off a "too hot and dehydrated" headache, but otherwise, feeling pretty okay. We ended up just relaxing in bed until I zonked out at 8pm!

Sunday morning, the more relaxed morning, had me waking up in pain again from the crappy bed. We were up and out the door by 8am, got there by 9am (for a 9:15 start, again too close for comfort). As I started, I felt better than expected, so I ran more than I expected to. To try to ward off the heat, I started using my "Chilly Towel" before I even got to Mile 1 (that may have helped more than expected, now that I think about it). I ate the rest of the chews I opened yesterday, when I got to Mile 1. Also, it's breezier than it was yesterday, helping to keep the course cooler than yesterday. At Mile 3 I realized that I could possibly come in under 90 minutes, but my official time was 1:31:02 (missed it by 1:02). Still felt really good, though! One of my better times for this race. 

Me and thousands of my closest pals

Wait... could I do this in 90 minutes? 

I got photos with all of my medals (including last year's medals), picked up water and Cheez-Its, then hobbled over to the car (in the correct garage this time, lol). We picked up sodas and sandwiches from Wawa, then got back to our room for a hot bath and a snooze.  

The medals I earned this weekend

The medals from this year and last year

We tried out Ford's Garage for lunch, and I was impressed. Hubby got the Crispy Chicken Sandwich, and it was so freakin' good, while I got the Ford's Signature Burger (my server was confused and forgot to make sure my burger had bacon on it, but it was till okay). Both meals were very good, and we'd definitely go again. Slightly overpriced - $42 with tip, but $6 of that was soda, that we don't normally get, so...).

Crispy Chicken (with Honey Mustard sauce)

Ford's Signature (with Tillamook cheddar, bacon, and BBQ sauce)

We spent another hour or so at the Tampa Airport, because I wanted to see if our duffel bag would qualify (size-wise) as a Carry On or Personal Item. Plus, I just wanted to see the inside. See, neither hubby or I have flown as adults, and he's very phobic about flying. But we also want to fly somewhere on vacation, so we're trying to deal with his phobia. And we figured just taking the mystery out of an airport (and watching planes land, as we did yesterday) was a smart idea. So we wandered around, just observing. Unfortunately, it seemed like TPA was having some air-conditioning issues, so we cut our people-watching short, headed back to the parking garage and watched more airplanes. We could see how they taxi, and get to the gate and stuff. Watching the logistics of 'driving' and 'parking' airplanes was really cool to see. 

Just low-key scoping out the airport

Back in the hotel, we relaxed for a while, munching on some snacks. I took stock of my aches and pains; surprisingly, no headache, no major muscle aches, no sunburn, no chafed lady bits! The only issue was minor muscle aches (to be expected) and blisters on my right foot. Eventually, after some very... energetic cuddling, ahem... we refueled with those sammiches we bought, then conked out for the night. 

Monday morning, I was able to sleep in until about 9, before having to get up and pack. We looked around on the internet to find something fun to do, but both of us were wiped out from a long weekend and the bad sleep, so we decided to just grab some lunch then head home. We went to Jason's Deli, which we know is a great place for a filling sandwich. I got ham, bacon, and swiss on French bread and it was just... meh. Also, the potato soup was mediocre too... I should really stop getting the soup! Hubby ordered a ham sandwich on a croissant, but got some sort of ham/turkey with cheddar and honey mustard on a croissant, and it was amazingly good! I can't find this thing on their menu anywhere, so I have no idea how to recreate this order. 

Should we head home now? Nah, let's go get some Krispy Kreme! So, we got a few donuts. As we ate our donuts, I asked again, should we go home now? Nah!... let's go to Buc-ees! (Essentially, by going to Daytona Beach, we added 2.5 hours of driving time to our trip! But who cares?! Adventure!!)

Yes, y'all, we trekked all the way across the damn state to go to Buc-ees. We took State Road 50 across Florida, a long drive behind slow people, over to the Turnpike, to 408 to Interstate 95. We jokingly had a "Who could buy more snacks?" competition (which I won, of course) and then we picked up dinner at Chick-fil-A and McDonald's. The drive home from Daytona Beach got us stuck behind a semi, but we were in bed by 9pm, in the best damn bed I've ever been in (God, I love my bed, I love my pillows, I love my down comforter, I just love my bed!) Too bad I have to go back to work in the morning though!

Anniversary Adventure 2021 - An Infuriating Postscript

Now that we're home from our amazing Anniversary Adventure Road Trip (seriously, go see all the cool stuff we did), it's time to review all of our spending to see how well (ha!) we stuck to the budget and make sure all the credit cards are where they should be. Everything was going great until I looked at my Visa, which I'd used to reserve the car a few months prior.

There's a $450 charge to this card from Avis?? It was paid in full in August, there shouldn't be anything additional, except some tolls. 

So I pulled up Avis' website and contacted Customer Service.

Whenever I have to contact Customer Service, I always make sure my emails are polite and thorough, and this one was no different. 

After a day or so, I got a reply back. And I was pissed. I was told that the vehicle was returned in such poor condition that they had to charge me a $450 Cleaning Fee, and send the vehicle to another location to be deep-cleaned (to remind everyone... It was given to me IN THIS CONDITION!)

This email included the Vehicle Inspection Report stating "Heavy" Smoke Smell, as well as photos to "prove" that we'd smoked in the car. (For those of you who are new here, I quit smoking in 2007, my spouse doesn't smoke, and neither of us smoke weed). 

The Driver's Door Instrument Panel (probably Chick-fil-A crumbs!)

Dust & Dander on the Steering Column

More dust and dander on the Instrument Panel

What I think is salt and glaze chips on the floor of the car

They are inferring that two weeks worth of regular car dirtiness is somehow proof that we smoked weed in this car. To a normal person, this is dust, dander, salt, and probably some donut glaze flakes! Or maybe some of that terrible white powder from Little Debbie powdered donuts?  It absolutely is not cigarette or pot ash!

Let's continue...

I replied back, with more information about my rental and that the stank wasn't mine but I took the vehicle anyway, because I wanted to be a "good customer." (I guess I was, good for an extra $450!)

Again, my email is stern, but reasonable, I think anyway. 

Okay, this is not okay.  So, I respond back that, no, these are not valid charges, because it wasn't my damn fault the car stank in the first place! 

And then came the pity email...

Here, Karen, we'll give you $100 if you just shut the fuck up, okay? No, I'm not gonna shut up, because this is on you guys!

No, this is not acceptable! Like, yeah, thanks for the $100, but I'm still being penalized $350 for someone else's bullshit here!! 

And then the final email response from them said, basically, fuck off. 

After fuming for a while, I did what any rational person would do... I disputed the charges with Visa themselves, via my bank. I sent an email to them, detailing everything from above. 

(I won't give you the entire rundown again)

And again, I was cockblocked by Avis. Their response to Visa said that I violated the strict rental policy regarding smoking in the vehicle as well as sanitation... WTF??? How is 37 grains of salt and a dusty dashboard a violation of sanitation policies?!? 

I replied back, thanking my agent for her assistance (because it's important to be nice to Customer Service agents!)

So, yeah, lesson learned. Lesson learned. Yes, yes, I know... I can hear you screaming from the beginning of this post that I should NOT have driven the car off the lot. My naïvety is showing quite clearly; I thought that the smell would dissipate, I thought that reporting it to the clerk when I returned would cover me. I'm the Mary Sue of my own life, and that "sunshine and rainbows" attitude cost me $350 in the end. 

I used to think that I just needed to be wary about the outside of the vehicle, doing walk-arounds, stuff like that. But I tell you what... from now on, I will be utilizing my cell phone camera to record myself the moment I start the rental pick-up process until such time as I am happy and drive off the lot. I will do a walk around on the outside. I will open the door and describe the smell. I will sit in all seats to do visual checks for any dirt or damage. Only once I do that will I drive away. And if anything is out of whack, I will go right back to the damn counter and be that Karen until shit gets fixed. I don't care if it takes me 3 hours and I go through five cars. If this is the alternative? I'll be a bitch all day long. 

And I'll record that, too.