The Saga of the Mysterious Abdominal Pain (Part 1)

Last year, if you recall, Hubby had an appendectomy. They did it laparoscopically, going in from three places: his belly button, his FUPA crease under his belly button, and the left side of his lower abdomen (the appendix is located on the right side of the body). Surgeon told us later that this was an easier way to do it, instead of cutting him open all the way. 

Fast forward to mid-April (after we got back from vacation, actually), when he told me that he’d been having some abdominal pain on the left side for the past few days. He wondered if it was related to his surgery. By April 18, he was in increasing pain, kind of like waves, where I’d see him tense up his whole body to deal with the pain. He’s never been a “go to the doctor” kind of guy, but I was able to talk him in to seeing a virtual doctor, via Doctor on Demand, which is covered by his health insurance. We spoke to Dr. K and after hearing all of his symptoms, she suggested that he might have Diverticulitis – this is when there are little pockets in your intestine that become inflamed or irritated. (Diverticulosis is when you have them, Diverticula are the names for the pocket, and Diverticulitis is when they’re angry). She suggested that he eat a low-fiber, easy-to-digest diet (to give the intestines a chance to heal), and follow up in a week. 

At the April 24th follow-up, he reported that the pain levels were about the same, about a 4-5 on a scale of 10 (seriously?) Because of this, Dr. K suggested that he get some lab work done, as well as a urinalysis (UA), continue the diet, and follow up again in another week. We got the lab work and UA done at a local Walgreens, and the results showed red blood cells and high protein levels (3+) I his urine. Dr. K called us when she got the results and posited that a kidney stone might be the culprit (even though kidney stones usually cause pain in the back). She referred him for a kidney ultrasound, as well as a colonoscopy (because he’s due for his first one, not because of the pain). She also wrote him a prescription for blood pressure meds, because his blood pressure was way too high, hitting Hypertension 1 or 2 levels. The plan was to have him pick up his new meds after work when he went back – he’d been taking a leave of absence at this point, because of the pain and all the doctor stuff. 

He was set to return to work on May 2nd, but he couldn’t sleep overnight (May 1st into May 2nd)… Nothing unusual, this has happened in the past; he would just take an extra day off and get back to normal the next night. Not this time! He was suffering some serious insomnia that I’ve never seen before. We’d watch TV in bed for two hours or so (up until about 10pm, normal bedtime for us), and he’d fall asleep until midnight and then just… be awake the rest of the night until the alarm went off at 6:30am. This went on for a few days (with him missing more and more days of work), with him getting more and more frustrated – which, in turn, made the insomnia worse. We tried Unisom. We tried Tylenol PM. Finally, I had to be “The Bitch” and I took away his soda after 2pm (I mean, come on… he was complaining about his insomnia while drinking Mtn Dew in bed…). I had to gather all of my Inner Peace Hippie language and tell him that things would work out, would be okay, it’s nothing to worry about, blah blah blah (basically “talk him down” and get him out of his head). I made the suggestion that, when the insomnia happens, he should get out of bed, go sit on the couch and read until he felt sleepy again. When he felt sleepy, just let it happen, and just sleep on the couch. This did work, and for a few days, I’d go wake him up to see if he was going to go to work (never did), then lead him back to bed where he’d sleep again until 9:30 or so. Every morning, he was like a zombie. 

During this time of insomnia, on May 4th, his Ultrasound was negative for anything. No stones found. No kidney abnormalities found. There is a possibility that a stone was there and it had passed painlessly. Dr. K suggested that he do a second UA at the end of the month before the next virtual appointment. The following day, I finally had a chance to pick up his blood pressure meds (yes, almost 2 weeks after they were prescribed), and I also picked up some Magnesium Glycinate and Melatonin – I was gonna get that man to stay asleep all night, no matter what it took. No caffeine after 2pm. No candy in bed. No cake or ice cream or brownies. Lots of water. Two Mag and two Melatonin at bedtime. And holy shit, did it WORK! He slept like a freakin’ rock! He was finally able to sleep all through the night, and on May 24th, he returned to work (thank god!)

He had a follow up UA on May 28th, and when the results came back, Dr. K called us to tell us that there was still protein in the urine; she believes that the kidneys are fine, but there’s just a “leak” somewhere. Kidneys aren’t supposed to let the good stuff, like protein, go through; only waste. She recommended a CT Scan of the kidneys, as well as referring him to a Urologist (for the urinary anatomy) and a Nephrologist (for the kidneys). She reiterated that there’s no cause for alarm, but with the kidneys not working right, the cause needed to be found. All referrals were sent as Urgent so that he would be seen quickly. 

Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I (of course) hit up Google to figure out what might be happening. Many results said it was Proteinuria, a sign of Kidney Damage. Then it got a little scarier… It could be an indication of Chronic Kidney Disease, which eventually leads to Kidney Failure which leads to Kidney Transplant or death. But, let’s not think about that… Possible treatment includes easy (yet hard) things like changing diet, weight loss, or (in some cases) dialysis. 

My brain is trying to pin the high blood pressure as the culprit, but at the same time… my brain is running away, indulging in horrid What If scenarios. Months and months of health issues. Sick husband who can’t work. How to pay bills. Having to be the only one who can do anything. And then Wednesday, as I’m doing dishes, out of nowhere, my brain decided to conjure up the idea of him dying, and envisioning how to tell my child that her father was dead, how to tell my mom, notifying not-as-close family and friends, and everything that comes with that. I spiraled deeper into this treacherous fantasy as I scrubbed pots and pans… Does he have life insurance? Would I be able to keep the house? What about all the places we said we’d go some day that he’ll never get to go to? God, it was terrible! I saw the next 50 years of my life, dreams we had, but without him in it… And then… then… My brain said, if he’s gone, why should I even stay in this town? How could I possibly live in this house, that we built our family in for the past 20 years? His memory is in every single square inch of this house. How could I suffer with that for the next 50 years? But then… I could I not stay? Leaving this house would be admitting that he finally was gone, out of my life, and that I was ready to move on without him. 

Have you ever tried to do something while trying not to cry at the same time? Lord, it was a shitty day… Every time I thought I was okay, another thought would cross my mind (He’ll never see the Pacific Ocean or He’ll never get to visit Japan) and I’d have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep my shit together. I was fine in bed while we watched TV, but of course, Lights Out Bedtime Brain does some seriously mean things, and once I was sure he was asleep, I had to go into the bathroom and sob (like ugly, mouth open sob) into a towel, just to get it all out. Like, how do I survive without this man? He is my world. There is no place in my existence that he has not touched. 

This morning (May 30th), I woke up and for a blissful moment there were no problems. He was sleeping. I was sleepy. Everyone’s bodies worked perfectly. Then I stretched and my muscles hurt (as they always do), and it was like snapping back into my body… There is an Ongoing Situation hanging over us, like a grey cloud. It’s not a black cloud, I tell myself today. Kidneys are fine. They’re just a leak. It could be something that can be fixed with a pill or a diet. That’s what I’m tying my hat to today. 

Everything is okay until I hear otherwise. 

Oh Lord, it's Happening Again - Meet Steve!

In thinking about New Year, New Me bullshit at the beginning of the year, I had made a few bullet points in my brain, kind of a "Take Care of Myself" to-do list for 2023. Included on that list was replacing my IUD (done!), getting Lasik (just had my consultation!), getting a filling (ugh), and finally seeing a dermatologist to remove the new bump that has resurfaced on my chest.  

Well... Apparently, that bump (that's been slowly creeping back since 2017) has decided to line jump everyone else... He's back and he's angry. 

Back in 2013, when I went to the dermatologist to get a few other moles removed, I pointed out this bump, and they told me it was perfectly normal. Three years after that, it got funky and had to be drained. The bump totally went away and my chest was nice and smooth. I think the first time I have photo proof of the bump being visible again was in 2018, and even then he was tiny, like a mini M&M, and didn't hurt at all. Fast forward to now, and he feels about the size of a Peanut M&M, just hanging out under my skin. No pain or anything, but annoying and ugly and so I wanted him gone. 

I guess he didn't like the threat of eviction, so he began to cyst up. I first noticed a slight pain, like tenderness, in the area around March 17. I wrote it off as post-massage pain (my massage therapist really hurts me sometimes!) and ignored it. But the pain was still there a day or so later, which is unusual. By Sunday, I was sure that the bump was becoming Cysty Spacek, so I started slathering it with Neosporin, hoping to get ahead of it and keep it from coming to a head. 

Shiny Steve, under a blanket of Neosporin

On Monday, March 20, I debated getting an appointment with my general practitioner, but remembered that my employer now has a dedicated health center (woo hoo!), and I was able to score an appointment for the very next day. 

Getting a little bigger... 

On Monday, I headed over to the doctor's office. The ARNP poked and prodded it a bit, agreed with everything I'd told her (I've done all this before, sweetie, I know more than you), and set me up with a round of antibiotics. She also referred me to a local dermatology office, in case I could get in before The Poppening began (but I don't have high hopes). I came home, slathered more Neosporin on it, covered it with a huge Band-Aid, and resigned myself to having to deal with this again. 

Yep, it's getting a pointy part to it, the Poppening will happen soon

Hello, Steve's Head, can't wait to clean you out

He's mean now (Thursday, March 30, for reference)

On Wednesday, it was slightly bigger, as expected. The Band-Aids were more irritating than helpful, so I only covered the bump when I was out and about. On Saturday, I did parkrun, then went grocery shopping, where I must have picked up some cooties, because on Sunday, I started feeling miserable!!! Headache morphing into a migraine, and a fever of 101.5º! I took a long nap, but it didn't help much. I was miserable all day, and I ended up texting my boss that I would be working from home on Monday. 

I beat back the fever and fought the migraine all day, but I was unable to eat anything, which was a new and shitty development. By Tuesday, I was feeling really bad, so I stayed home again, but I was getting overly concerned, so I set up a telehealth with Dr. F at the health center... I wondered if I was having a reaction to the original antibiotic, or if the cyst was leaking and making me sick? She thought I might have a slight case of the flu (remember the flu?) She changed my antibiotic to a different variety, just in case. I ended up eating a package of Honey Stinger gummies for dinner, and took both a Unisom and a Tylenol PM at bedtime... I slept the sleep of the dead.

On Wednesday, I continued to work from home, and I was actually feeling slightly better. The migraine had been replaced by a less terrible, "regular" headache. I was able to eat half a bowl of Lucky Charms. I had something food-adjacent for lunch, and made actual food for dinner (the first "real food" since Saturday, really). My stomach seemed happy to receive it!

On Thursday (March 30th), I assumed all was back to normal. I woke up feeling normal. I took Hubby to work like normal. I hopped in the shower like normal... But by the time I got shampoo in my hair, I knew I was fucked. I was getting dizzy, even though the shower was tepid - not my typical Bathtub of Satan Hot. Shaving my legs was difficult, and I whipped through it as quickly as possible, then got the conditioner out even quicker, and then... 

Well, new Life Accomplishment unlocked, at age 45. I puked in the shower. Luckily it was all water, but wow. I never want to vomit from a vertical position ever again. It was like my body had no idea how to puke vertically. There wasn't any force to the expulsion, it was just such a weird, uncomfortably uncomfortable experience. I got out and rested on the toilet, then did my hair, wrapped myself up, and laid in bed for 20 minutes. I emailed my boss to let her know I was staying home again, then texted Hubby the same. I called the Dermatologist again (they still hadn't called to schedule me for a visit, despite two referrals and me leaving a voicemail with them yesterday), and fortuitously, they had a cancellation, so I scored an appointment for the afternoon at 2:30. Unfortunately, that meant I had to cancel my standing massage appointment, but this was much more important. I picked Hubby up from work around 1:30 and headed over to the Dermatologist.

This was definitely a fancy Dermatologist's office. Everyone was pretty and perfect... {eyeroll} They got me in and told me that they could "express the infection" today, but I'd have to come back to have the sac removed. I was okay with that, so they had me lay down, and injected me with Lidocaine. 

Will this fix it?

Now, on a normal day Lidocaine isn't that bad... some people say it hurts a bit, but I've never had an issue. This time though? It was like someone was sticking red-hot electrified needles through my skin. It was hellacious! I threw out four or five bellowing "FUCK!!!!!!"s before I even realized I was bellowing! I apologized to everyone in the room for my reaction, but then she stuck me again, and I bellowed some more! I expected her to let it sit for a few minutes to really kick in, but she was squeezing like a teen on prom night as soon as she put the needle down. It only took a few minutes (sorry, they threw the ick away, so no photos for you, you sicko), then I was bandaged up and sent on my way with an appointment to come back once I was fully healed, so they could get the sac out, and an additional appointment for a full-body mole check (but that's for a different post). I was in-and-out in under 30 minutes! Hubby thought we'd be there for hours, having actual surgery, but nah, not this time. At home, I took some Aleve to get ahead of the pain and had a candy bar for a snack... so far my body is happy with that (kinda...). I slept great, and was starving when I woke up the next day, so I think I'm definitely on the mend. 

On Saturday, I did parkrun, got a haircut, made a grocery run, and picked up Chick-fil-A for lunch. I was still tired and somewhat weak from the weirdest Sick Week I've experienced in forever. I've been keeping Steve covered since Thursday, and it feels like it's getting full again. It hurts, just like it did last week. When I took my bandage off to look at it, I could tell, yeah... it's happening again. Should I go back to the derm? Is this some bullshit I have to deal with over and over? I just spent $50 to have this drained, only to have it come back in a few days! Why did I bother! 

By Sunday, it was fuller, and more painful; and maybe I was imagining it, but it felt more painful than last week. On Monday (we're up to April 3rd, if you're keeping track), I felt okay enough to go to work, but it hurt a lot. By Tuesday, I was thinking that I needed to go back to the derm, as it was for sure more painful than before I drained it. No matter how I stand, or sit, or lie down, bra or no bra, the weight of my breasts pull on my chest and cause the cyst to hurt. But even worse is that my chest skin is MAD from all the Band-Aid wearing. I had to actually take it off while I was at work to give it a break. 

When I went to bed, I decided to try a warm compress (that's supposed to help, right?) First I tried my warm-up eye mask that I have for headaches; that was nice for like 10 minutes but then the heat dissipated. So I broke out my Old Lady Heating Pad, and I actually fell asleep on my back with the pad on my chest, with my hand on top to hold it there. It was a fitful sleep, but I was able to stay this way all night long. 

{It's gonna start getting gross from here, folks... Proceed if you can handle it}

The next morning, I woke up and was happy to see that the pad had stayed in place all night. When I pulled it off my chest, though... it was stuck to my body. I cracked open one eyeball and saw that there was some discoloration on the cover of the pad, and damn, it was like Christmas Morning! My cyst had finally come to a head! I was still half-asleep, so my first thought was, okay, if it's leaking, I can put some Neosporin on it but, guys, we were WAY past that stage. Once I got vertical, a gush of blood started drooling its way down my skin... It looked like I'd been shot in the chest. I peed while I held a wad of toilet paper to the open hole, then checked it out in the mirror. 

Okay, so I wasn't expecting Squeeze Time at 8am, but it's Squeeze Time whether I want it to be or not. It hurt! Both because there's a disgusting cyst in there, but also leftover pain from Squeeze Time last week. Thankfully (unfortunately? Ewww...) most of the pus-sy stuff was expelled at the Dermatologist's office (you know, that vanilla pudding-type gunk); I had to deal with a lot of dark maroon red blood, and some cyst particles. After about 10 squeezes, the much more... chunky... stuff started showing up. I tried to pull it out with tweezers, but no luck. I was able to pull a little more out with TP-wrapped fingers. 

But then... oh then... a big hunk emerged, and just enough pressure... and this absolute mass of bloody, chunky funk launched itself across the vanity and squelched into the mirror. It was so chunky and bloody that it began to drool down the mirror like a murder scene. I am who I am, and I pulled out some of the chunks so I could take a picture of them, then continued to squeeze until my chest stopped hemorrhaging. Then I cleaned up the murder scene that was the vanity and mirror. Then I cleaned up ME, who was looking like Carrie White at this point. Finally, I cleaned up the hole, got as much of the leaking taken care of as possible, then put on a big bandage to catch additional leakage. 

Top Row: Pieces I rescued from the mirror (No idea why there's hair on them)
Middle Row: Leftover chunks that came out a few days later
Bottom Row: After popping vs what it looked like 2 days earlier

I climbed back in bed for a bit for my chest skin and muscles to recover, and worked from home the rest of the day. By the end of the day, the swelling had gone down, and the pain receded by about 75%. I changed bandages once, and it was as disgusting as expected. Fresh bandages and Neosporin went on before bed. I was hopeful that I wouldn't have to do this again; it's not the squeezing that hurts, but the filling up part (anyone who's had a huge pimple can totally understand).

For the next few days, it kept leaking but not chunking, and not filling up any more. I used some of the bigger bandages that the Dermatologist gave me, because I could double them up for more coverage. My skin absolutely hated the adhesive, but too bad! By late Friday, I swapped over to "normal size" Nexcare Sensitive bandages. I think at this point, I've turned a corner to recovery. so maybe I can finally get back into the swing of things!!! I've put off gym and running for weeks because of this, and I'm tired of it! By Sunday, I had just the tiniest bit of seepage. Over the next few weeks, the leaking stopped and I eventually could go bandage-free (oh thank God!). I was finally able to get back to the gym by the end of April. 

By mid-May, the cyst was completely deflated and empty, and I was back to having a hard, Peanut M&M-sized bump under my chest, with a healing hole next to it. 

You can see that Steve set up shop NEXT TO the bump

I was beginning to fret about my upcoming procedure to remove the bump (who at some point I renamed to Steve). I wasn't looking forward to the pain from the Lidocaine. I didn't know if I was going to have to pull packing gauze out afterward, and if so, for how long. I didn't know how much pain I'd be in afterward. I was just... in a mood when I woke up on May 11. I had a small bagel for lunch (under duress... I wasn't hungry, but I knew that Hubby would force me to eat if I didn't). I got to the office, and got called back after a few minutes. The Lidocaine was much less painful this time (not shooting into inflamed tissue, I suppose), and I was numb very quickly. Dr. A came in and sliced Steve out of me and had me sewed back up in minutes! They used electrocautery for hemostasis, whatever that means. I got 3 deep stitches, and one surface stitch... And I learned that "one stitch" doesn't mean that you have one line of thread, because I had about 8-10 lines of thread... it looks like a caterpillar on my chest! 

The stitches the day after removal

They bandaged me up and let me have a look at Steve, and yes, I took photos this time. He was bigger than I expected, bigger than the tip of my index finger. I have to keep my chest dry until tomorrow, and then clean it well and slather on some mupirocin for the next two weeks. I'll come back right around Memorial Day to have my stitches removed, and then a few weeks later, I'll return for a full body mole check. On the way home, we got ice cream and a big ol' soda for me at Sonic, and I plan on ordering pizza for dinner. Because I'm a grown ass adult who just had a gross cyst pulled out of her chest! 

The pressure gauze/bandage right after stitches were done

Everybody... Say hi to Steve!

Goodbye, Steve, I won't miss ya!

On May 25th, I had my stitches removed, and I was left with a keloid scar that looks like a funky caterpillar. For about a week, I was just putting on some Jergen's Manuka Honey body lotion that I had lying around; I ended up buying some scar gel that was supposed to be better than Mederma, but it hasn't done shit. And I can't return it to Amazon, so I'm stuck with it. I went back and ordered some Silicone Scar Sheets, which I've been wearing non-stop, and as of July 11, I think I'm seeing some improvement? It's a thick nasty scar, so it's probably going to take a lot of time to break it down, I think. (ETA: I don't remember exactly when, but I stopped wearing the sheets... it seemed like it was making the scar hard, so I stopped for a week. The scar got softer. So I put the sheet back on, and it felt hard again. So screw it... my skin's gonna get whatever the scar ends up doing...)

The last day with stitches

Finally, the caterpillar is gone!

From July until now, everything has been fine. I touch my scar a lot, like a woobie. Steve had been there for a decade, and now he's gone... Maybe I'll call my scar Jefferson, since he replaced Steve. (Yes, that is a "Married... with Children" reference. One Cool Point to you if you got it!)

So, here we are now, a full year later, May 2024, with some After Shots, as well as some side-by-side shots to show how well I've healed. Do I like the scar? Nope, not in the slightest. But it's part of me and it's part of my story. Life would be boring story if we only talked about the good parts!

Future Lazy here... I had my annual body check last week (June 13), and the derm went ahead and injected a steroid shot into the remaining scar tissue. So far, I don't think anything has changed, but maybe it takes some time. 

Photo taken May 1, 2024

Top Row: March 30, 2023 and May 4, 2023
Bottom Row: May 13, 2023 and May 1, 2024