In thinking about New Year, New Me bullshit at the beginning of the year, I had made a few bullet points in my brain, kind of a "Take Care of Myself" to-do list for 2023. Included on that list was replacing my IUD (done!), getting Lasik (just had my consultation!), getting a filling (ugh), and finally seeing a dermatologist to remove the new bump that has resurfaced on my chest.
Well... Apparently, that bump (that's been slowly creeping back since 2017) has decided to line jump everyone else... He's back and he's angry.
Back in 2013, when I went to the dermatologist to get a few other moles removed, I pointed out this bump, and they told me it was perfectly normal. Three years after that, it got funky and had to be drained. The bump totally went away and my chest was nice and smooth. I think the first time I have photo proof of the bump being visible again was in 2018, and even then he was tiny, like a mini M&M, and didn't hurt at all. Fast forward to now, and he feels about the size of a Peanut M&M, just hanging out under my skin. No pain or anything, but annoying and ugly and so I wanted him gone.
I guess he didn't like the threat of eviction, so he began to cyst up. I first noticed a slight pain, like tenderness, in the area around March 17. I wrote it off as post-massage pain (my massage therapist really hurts me sometimes!) and ignored it. But the pain was still there a day or so later, which is unusual. By Sunday, I was sure that the bump was becoming Cysty Spacek, so I started slathering it with Neosporin, hoping to get ahead of it and keep it from coming to a head.
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| Shiny Steve, under a blanket of Neosporin |
On Monday, March 20, I debated getting an appointment with my general practitioner, but remembered that my employer now has a dedicated health center (woo hoo!), and I was able to score an appointment for the very next day.
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| Getting a little bigger... |
On Monday, I headed over to the doctor's office. The ARNP poked and prodded it a bit, agreed with everything I'd told her (I've done all this before, sweetie, I know more than you), and set me up with a round of antibiotics. She also referred me to a local dermatology office, in case I could get in before The Poppening began (but I don't have high hopes). I came home, slathered more Neosporin on it, covered it with a huge Band-Aid, and resigned myself to having to deal with this again.
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| Yep, it's getting a pointy part to it, the Poppening will happen soon |
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| Hello, Steve's Head, can't wait to clean you out |
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| He's mean now (Thursday, March 30, for reference) |
On Wednesday, it was slightly bigger, as expected. The Band-Aids were more irritating than helpful, so I only covered the bump when I was out and about. On Saturday, I did parkrun, then went grocery shopping, where I must have picked up some cooties, because on Sunday, I started feeling miserable!!! Headache morphing into a migraine, and a fever of 101.5ยบ! I took a long nap, but it didn't help much. I was miserable all day, and I ended up texting my boss that I would be working from home on Monday.
I beat back the fever and fought the migraine all day, but I was unable to eat anything, which was a new and shitty development. By Tuesday, I was feeling really bad, so I stayed home again, but I was getting overly concerned, so I set up a telehealth with Dr. F at the health center... I wondered if I was having a reaction to the original antibiotic, or if the cyst was leaking and making me sick? She thought I might have a slight case of the flu (remember the flu?) She changed my antibiotic to a different variety, just in case. I ended up eating a package of Honey Stinger gummies for dinner, and took both a Unisom and a Tylenol PM at bedtime... I slept the sleep of the dead.
On Wednesday, I continued to work from home, and I was actually feeling slightly better. The migraine had been replaced by a less terrible, "regular" headache. I was able to eat half a bowl of Lucky Charms. I had something food-adjacent for lunch, and made actual food for dinner (the first "real food" since Saturday, really). My stomach seemed happy to receive it!
On Thursday (March 30th), I assumed all was back to normal. I woke up feeling normal. I took Hubby to work like normal. I hopped in the shower like normal... But by the time I got shampoo in my hair, I knew I was fucked. I was getting dizzy, even though the shower was tepid - not my typical Bathtub of Satan Hot. Shaving my legs was difficult, and I whipped through it as quickly as possible, then got the conditioner out even quicker, and then...
Well, new Life Accomplishment unlocked, at age 45. I puked in the shower. Luckily it was all water, but wow. I never want to vomit from a vertical position ever again. It was like my body had no idea how to puke vertically. There wasn't any force to the expulsion, it was just such a weird, uncomfortably uncomfortable experience. I got out and rested on the toilet, then did my hair, wrapped myself up, and laid in bed for 20 minutes. I emailed my boss to let her know I was staying home again, then texted Hubby the same. I called the Dermatologist again (they still hadn't called to schedule me for a visit, despite two referrals and me leaving a voicemail with them yesterday), and fortuitously, they had a cancellation, so I scored an appointment for the afternoon at 2:30. Unfortunately, that meant I had to cancel my standing massage appointment, but this was much more important. I picked Hubby up from work around 1:30 and headed over to the Dermatologist.
This was definitely a fancy Dermatologist's office. Everyone was pretty and perfect... {eyeroll} They got me in and told me that they could "express the infection" today, but I'd have to come back to have the sac removed. I was okay with that, so they had me lay down, and injected me with Lidocaine.
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| Will this fix it? |
On Saturday, I did parkrun, got a haircut, made a grocery run, and picked up Chick-fil-A for lunch. I was still tired and somewhat weak from the weirdest Sick Week I've experienced in forever. I've been keeping Steve covered since Thursday, and it feels like it's getting full again. It hurts, just like it did last week. When I took my bandage off to look at it, I could tell, yeah... it's happening again. Should I go back to the derm? Is this some bullshit I have to deal with over and over? I just spent $50 to have this drained, only to have it come back in a few days! Why did I bother!
By Sunday, it was fuller, and more painful; and maybe I was imagining it, but it felt more painful than last week. On Monday (we're up to April 3rd, if you're keeping track), I felt okay enough to go to work, but it hurt a lot. By Tuesday, I was thinking that I needed to go back to the derm, as it was for sure more painful than before I drained it. No matter how I stand, or sit, or lie down, bra or no bra, the weight of my breasts pull on my chest and cause the cyst to hurt. But even worse is that my chest skin is MAD from all the Band-Aid wearing. I had to actually take it off while I was at work to give it a break.
When I went to bed, I decided to try a warm compress (that's supposed to help, right?) First I tried my warm-up eye mask that I have for headaches; that was nice for like 10 minutes but then the heat dissipated. So I broke out my Old Lady Heating Pad, and I actually fell asleep on my back with the pad on my chest, with my hand on top to hold it there. It was a fitful sleep, but I was able to stay this way all night long.
{It's gonna start getting gross from here, folks... Proceed if you can handle it}
The next morning, I woke up and was happy to see that the pad had stayed in place all night. When I pulled it off my chest, though... it was stuck to my body. I cracked open one eyeball and saw that there was some discoloration on the cover of the pad, and damn, it was like Christmas Morning! My cyst had finally come to a head! I was still half-asleep, so my first thought was, okay, if it's leaking, I can put some Neosporin on it but, guys, we were WAY past that stage. Once I got vertical, a gush of blood started drooling its way down my skin... It looked like I'd been shot in the chest. I peed while I held a wad of toilet paper to the open hole, then checked it out in the mirror.
Okay, so I wasn't expecting Squeeze Time at 8am, but it's Squeeze Time whether I want it to be or not. It hurt! Both because there's a disgusting cyst in there, but also leftover pain from Squeeze Time last week. Thankfully (unfortunately? Ewww...) most of the pus-sy stuff was expelled at the Dermatologist's office (you know, that vanilla pudding-type gunk); I had to deal with a lot of dark maroon red blood, and some cyst particles. After about 10 squeezes, the much more... chunky... stuff started showing up. I tried to pull it out with tweezers, but no luck. I was able to pull a little more out with TP-wrapped fingers.
But then... oh then... a big hunk emerged, and just enough pressure... and this absolute mass of bloody, chunky funk launched itself across the vanity and squelched into the mirror. It was so chunky and bloody that it began to drool down the mirror like a murder scene. I am who I am, and I pulled out some of the chunks so I could take a picture of them, then continued to squeeze until my chest stopped hemorrhaging. Then I cleaned up the murder scene that was the vanity and mirror. Then I cleaned up ME, who was looking like Carrie White at this point. Finally, I cleaned up the hole, got as much of the leaking taken care of as possible, then put on a big bandage to catch additional leakage.
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| Top Row: Pieces I rescued from the mirror (No idea why there's hair on them) Middle Row: Leftover chunks that came out a few days later Bottom Row: After popping vs what it looked like 2 days earlier |
I climbed back in bed for a bit for my chest skin and muscles to recover, and worked from home the rest of the day. By the end of the day, the swelling had gone down, and the pain receded by about 75%. I changed bandages once, and it was as disgusting as expected. Fresh bandages and Neosporin went on before bed. I was hopeful that I wouldn't have to do this again; it's not the squeezing that hurts, but the filling up part (anyone who's had a huge pimple can totally understand).
For the next few days, it kept leaking but not chunking, and not filling up any more. I used some of the bigger bandages that the Dermatologist gave me, because I could double them up for more coverage. My skin absolutely hated the adhesive, but too bad! By late Friday, I swapped over to "normal size" Nexcare Sensitive bandages. I think at this point, I've turned a corner to recovery. so maybe I can finally get back into the swing of things!!! I've put off gym and running for weeks because of this, and I'm tired of it! By Sunday, I had just the tiniest bit of seepage. Over the next few weeks, the leaking stopped and I eventually could go bandage-free (oh thank God!). I was finally able to get back to the gym by the end of April.
By mid-May, the cyst was completely deflated and empty, and I was back to having a hard, Peanut M&M-sized bump under my chest, with a healing hole next to it.
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| You can see that Steve set up shop NEXT TO the bump |
I was beginning to fret about my upcoming procedure to remove the bump (who at some point I renamed to Steve). I wasn't looking forward to the pain from the Lidocaine. I didn't know if I was going to have to pull packing gauze out afterward, and if so, for how long. I didn't know how much pain I'd be in afterward. I was just... in a mood when I woke up on May 11. I had a small bagel for lunch (under duress... I wasn't hungry, but I knew that Hubby would force me to eat if I didn't). I got to the office, and got called back after a few minutes. The Lidocaine was much less painful this time (not shooting into inflamed tissue, I suppose), and I was numb very quickly. Dr. A came in and sliced Steve out of me and had me sewed back up in minutes! They used electrocautery for hemostasis, whatever that means. I got 3 deep stitches, and one surface stitch... And I learned that "one stitch" doesn't mean that you have one line of thread, because I had about 8-10 lines of thread... it looks like a caterpillar on my chest!
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| The stitches the day after removal |
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| The pressure gauze/bandage right after stitches were done |
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| Everybody... Say hi to Steve! |
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| Goodbye, Steve, I won't miss ya! |
On May 25th, I had my stitches removed, and I was left with a keloid scar that looks like a funky caterpillar. For about a week, I was just putting on some Jergen's Manuka Honey body lotion that I had lying around; I ended up buying some scar gel that was supposed to be better than Mederma, but it hasn't done shit. And I can't return it to Amazon, so I'm stuck with it. I went back and ordered some Silicone Scar Sheets, which I've been wearing non-stop, and as of July 11, I think I'm seeing some improvement? It's a thick nasty scar, so it's probably going to take a lot of time to break it down, I think. (ETA: I don't remember exactly when, but I stopped wearing the sheets... it seemed like it was making the scar hard, so I stopped for a week. The scar got softer. So I put the sheet back on, and it felt hard again. So screw it... my skin's gonna get whatever the scar ends up doing...)
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| The last day with stitches |
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| Finally, the caterpillar is gone! |
From July until now, everything has been fine. I touch my scar a lot, like a woobie. Steve had been there for a decade, and now he's gone... Maybe I'll call my scar Jefferson, since he replaced Steve. (Yes, that is a "Married... with Children" reference. One Cool Point to you if you got it!)
So, here we are now, a full year later, May 2024, with some After Shots, as well as some side-by-side shots to show how well I've healed. Do I like the scar? Nope, not in the slightest. But it's part of me and it's part of my story. Life would be boring story if we only talked about the good parts!
Future Lazy here... I had my annual body check last week (June 13), and the derm went ahead and injected a steroid shot into the remaining scar tissue. So far, I don't think anything has changed, but maybe it takes some time.
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| Photo taken May 1, 2024 |
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| Top Row: March 30, 2023 and May 4, 2023 Bottom Row: May 13, 2023 and May 1, 2024 |
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