Just like yesterday, I was unable to sleep in, my body waking me up at 7:30am, so I went and got some of the free hotel breakfast and brought it back to the room to chill and tweet while Hubby woke up. Bless his heart, he felt so bad about last night (the argument about the bridge), he spent a bunch of time finding a way to get over to Mud Island that didn't involve the bridge. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I'd already found a way, as a back-up, just in case! I love him for finding a solution, rather than simply saying fuck it and writing off the entire thing.

Observing him observing the Mississippi River

Looking northwest, upstream

Looking south, toward Interstate 40

Forbidden whipped cream

Challenge Complete! My feet are IN the Mississippi River!

We packed up and checked out, heading to Mud Island, via the very-much-not-scary-longer-way, and Mission Accomplished!!! I was able to get my feet in the Mississippi River!! Ever since I started planning this trip, I was determined to get my feet in the damn river, but everything I searched out on the internet said it was too dangerous, or couldn't be done, or shouldn't be done, or that there wasn't a way... Well, bitches, I found a way! Back when I was searching for a way to access the river, I had the bright idea to search for boat ramps. I mean... duh! Personal watercraft have to have a way to get in the river, right? So, I searched, and found one right by Beale Street and just down the road from our hotel. I was super-stoked about it, because there was also some cool touristy type stuff over on Mud Island, too. The detour (to avoid the bridge) only cost us about a mile, and was probably the better route in the long run, to avoid a lot of tourists on the bridge itself.

When we pulled up to the parking area, there was one guy there on a motorcycle having a cigarette, so we gave him the privacy to finish before we got out of the car to look around. Now, it's a boat ramp, so it's certainly not a tourist destination, and it certainly didn't feel like one, either. No facilities to speak of, it was just a ramp. And that's all I needed. I took my happy ass right down to the water and plunked my feet in up to my ankles, and all was right with the world. The water looked disgusting, with some sort of foamy funk gathering around downed tree branches and such, but I didn't care. Everyone in the universe knows that the Mississippi one of the most dirtiest rivers in America (third, after the Calcasieu and the Ohio Rivers, actually).

After I pulled my feet from the river, I picked up a few rocks from the surrounding areas - hopefully they weren't just chunks of concrete, lol - and wandered around to take some more photos. Then we headed back to the car, where I dutifully and thoroughly wiped my feet and my flip-flops down with multiple baby wipes, and we headed North (ETA: I just realized that we never did all the touristy Mud Island stuff I had planned! Whoops!)

Of course I got rocks!

Anyway, we made the bridge trip that Hubby had been worried about the most, for the entire trip - we crossed the Mighty Mississip into Arkansas. We stopped at a Love's Travel Stop for a potty and a magnet, then thought about lunch... After some parking lot Googling, we found a place called Tacker's Shake Shack, in Marion, Arkansas, and even better, was only about 10 minutes away. When we pulled up, the outside didn't match the inside, like I was expecting... it looked a little boring.

Welcome to Arkansas!

It's a little...modern... for what I was expecting. Even with the neon.

But inside! Inside was great! Coca-Cola, Elvis, John Wayne nostalgia! Black & white checkerboard floors with red booths. I was loving it!

It took us probably 10 minutes just to figure out what we wanted... because we wanted it all. Their menu is huge, and it all sounded delicious. I settled for a Corn Dog with Tater Tots, while Hubby got a classic Cheeseburger and fries. And soda, of course (bonus points; they had the good Sonic-style ice!) While we waited at our booth, I took the time to go to the "Where're You From?" wall and stick a pin in Florida. Quirky... I love stuff like that! (Plus, it gave me an idea...).

Photo courtesy of J.J. on Yelp

Our meals came out within 5 minutes or so, and I gotta say, both of them looked delicious. I think the corn dog was a standard, frozen State Fair Corn Dog (which was cooked badly, so the breading absorbed too much grease, leaving the inside portion mushy), but the tots were spectacular. They were dark, golden brown, super-crunchy; just how I like 'em. But the winner at the table was Hubby's cheeseburger. It was just freakin' spectacular. The burger patty had little crunchy edges from being on the flat-top, and the bun was toasted, so it didn't sog out from all the burger juices. The perfect combo would have been that burger (with bacon) and my tots!

The view from our table, looking towards kitchen and ice cream area

Hubby's Burger and Fries & My Dog and Tots

We got milkshakes to go (along with soda refills) - he got banana, which was made with real bananas, and I got vanilla (which was heavenly) - but sadly, about an hour outside Portia, Arkansas, my tummy started talking to me. We stopped at a Jordan's and I hightailed it inside. The only open stall was a handicap stall, and, yeah (we all do it... don't judge me), I plopped my tumultuous tushie right down on that handicap toilet and did some damage. Almost done, I hear someone else come in, and wouldn't you just know it... it was a handicapped older woman with her daughter! I felt horrible (and not just because of the milkshake)! I finished up and left, thankful that both she and her daughter were able to use the regular stalls (and so that I didn't have to do the Sorry I Used the Handicap Stall Walk of Shame). Unfortunately, my milkshake brought all the farts to the yard, so I had to go back in for Round 2. This time, I used a regular stall. As I'm sitting there, I realize that Handicapped Mom is still in the stall, and I can hear her lamenting that she can't get herself off the toilet to unlock the door...

The guilt, ladies and gentlemen... the guilt I felt for being the reason that this poor old woman was stuck on the toilet, embarrassed... I felt terrible!!! But it got WORSE! I can hear her oofing, and grunting, trying to use her shoe to open the toilet latch. And then, with tears in her voice, she starts to tell her daughter how depressed she is that she has to deal with this every day, and how she hates having to be a burden on her daughter...

You GUYS! I. Felt. Like. TRASH. But I didn't want to, I guess, intrude on this episode, so I stayed in that stall until they were all done and gone. They probably had no idea that it was me who got them into the predicament to begin with (the stall walls went all the way to the floor, so they never saw my feet), and I didn't want the mom to get embarrassed after her comments, nor did I want the daughter to feel bad for having to deal with the situation. So I just stayed in there. Hubby thought I was having a hell of time in there, I guess, when I finally came out! I explained to him the situation while we dove off to our next town - Flippin, Arkansas.

Ah, geez, it's the Flippin' Church of God!

I mean... if you see a town with a funny name, you gotta stop, right? You gotta see the Flippin Park, and the Flippin High School, or even Flippin City Hall. We were looking for Hickey City Park in Flippin, because, again... funny name (and the very obvious photo opportunity), but we never found it, mostly because we were getting tired at this point, and didn't want to look for it... So we took a quick photo near Flippin City Hall and made our way out of town. (FYI, Flippin was named after local farmer Thomas Flippin, but only after being called Barrens and Goatsville first!)

So flattering....

This next part of the trip was like a weird fever dream. It still seems a little surreal, like we're the only people who know of this road, or something, but on our way to Branson (our stop for the next two nights), we drove along AR-202, presumably to the town of Summit, where we would turn onto AR-14.

Nah... In Garmin's "Find a Shorter Route" madness, it instead sent us down Marion County Road 8052. After the first quarter-mile, it began to climb, and it turned to gravel (I guess they don't have "dirt roads" in the mountains... they have gravel roads.) Anyway, Not only was it steeply climbing, it was very wind-y, too. As you can imagine, if you've read my blog long enough, Hubby was not enjoying himself. He was clawing at the armrests, trying to stay calm. I told him multiple times, that I was okay with turning around and finding another route (I mean, why in the world did Garmin send us this way?!?) But, he said multiple times that he was fine, and felt okay to keep going (my grandmother often said "the best way out is always through"), so we kept going.

Every few minutes, though, we'd come to another curve in the road, and I'd hear him curse under his breath, all the while I'm trying to keep my eyes on the road, and off the absolutely gorgeous scenery unfolding around me. The road kept climbing, and we reached a plateau that overlooked the valley below us and it was just breathtaking. I mean, seriously, I wanted to pull into some stranger's driveway, knock on their door, and say "Excuse me, but do you know you live in heaven? I'd like to sit on your porch swing and take a million photos of your view! Are you okay with that?" Grand, spell-binding, awe-inspiring, breathtaking views of a lush green valley full of trees... spectacular. But (sigh), the only objective was to get to the other side of this road, and off the mountain before he had a heart attack.

Welcome to Missouri

I looked later, when we got home, and the road we were on wasn't even a "real" enough road for Google to map out! There's no Google Street View for the 3 miles worth of road we drove... Speaking of 3 miles, I also checked to see how much of a time-saver this was, and well... it wasn't. If we'd gone down to Summit on AR-202, it would have been 65.5 miles (1 hour, 18 minutes). Instead, we took the Road No One Knows About, saving 3.2 miles, and... 1 minute. But, I would suspect that it actually cost us more time, in the end, since we only went about 20mph the entire way! But you know what? Adventure! When in our lives would we ever purposefully drive on that road? Never! So, we would never have seen the beauty of that valley. And I feel blessed for having seen it.

We made it out before he exploded, deposited safely onto AR-14, which were more wind-y roads (not as bad as what we just dealt with though!). It felt like I was in a car commercial again (like when we drove down from NY into PA this past March).

As we got closer to Branson, Garmin gifted us with another randomly awesome road; this time is was a "Business Route" that gave us an amazing "Radiator Springs" type of view, just outside Branson itself on State Road 76.

Holy crap, it's so pretty!

Soooooooooooo pretty!

After that, we were in Branson proper, the "Vegas of the Ozarks." I'd been psyched about this part of the trip, too, because I remember being a kid when Branson was becoming a tourist area. I remember my famewhore of a father think that he should go to Branson and make it big (doing what? who knows...). I had vague recollections of Yakoff Smirnoff having a comedy show in Branson (Yakoff was very popular when I was a kid... what a country!). So, prior to the trip I did a lot of research and I knew what to expect. Hubby, however, had no idea. I'd told him a little bit, but kept him in the dark. I wanted to surprise him.

As we drove down the main drag, Hubby started turning into a little kid. Ooh, Mini-Golf! Ferris Wheel! Go-Carts! Mountain Coaster!! Oooh, ooh, ooh! I loved his reaction. We made it to our hotel, then started researching what we wanted to do for dinner. So many local places, though, were closed early (it was about 9pm at this point). Very odd for a touristy destination! We ended up at a Freddy's Steakburgers, which was tasty. Reminded me of a Steak 'n' Shake. The fries were skinny as hell (just like SnS), but they were good with melted cheese!