We're Too Old for This! - Anniversary Adventure Day 4

(Description from the Website)

Today was our full day in Branson, and we started off with a bang (wink wink) before getting dressed and heading to The Shepherd of the Hills. I had a hot date with adventure!

I don't remember how I even found this, but I remember looking for a Ropes Course to do (long story short... Hubby had seen David & Patrick do a Ropes Course on an episode of Schitt's Creek and thought it looked fun), and, while Shepherd of the Hills does have a Ropes Course, they also have... The Vigilante Extreme Ziprider!

I thought this sounded like so much fun, and didn't really think about the whole... jumping off a building part. Even now, typing this, I just NOW kind of realized that I was 140 feet in the air! In the Ozarks! Wow...

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. We got to The Shepherd of the Hills, and it wasn't super busy, but we got there right after they opened, which was probably why. After going to the Copperhead Mountain Coaster ticket booth, we were redirected inside for tickets to the zipline. 

Ticket Office for the Copperhead Coaster

Inside, I had to fill out a waiver that I won't sue them if I die from this stupidity, and then paid at the gift shop register. It was $29.95 (plus tax) since we were there on a weekday, which was super-affordable, and we found out that if we wanted to go again, it was ten bucks cheaper.

The view of the zipline from Inspiration Tower

I'll be hanging for a half-mile!

Looking south (?) from Inspiration Tower

Even though he hadn't paid, they let Hubby go up to the top of Inspiration Tower with me to wait my turn on the zipline. He was more than content to stand against the wall, as far away from the windows as possible (bless his heart). They suggested that you don't zip with anything in your pockets, so when it was my turn, I gave him my phone and wallet and whatnot. He went back downstairs via elevator, while I followed Skye, the operator, down a very narrow stairway to the zip platform on the 13th floor. Once there, she put me into a sling-harness, that reminded me of hammock chairs. It was a bit awkward to get into, because it felt like your butt was going to fall out! After getting in, she ran a strap over my head (like I was getting on a roller-coaster) that connected between my knees, and another strap that went across my chest. Once strapped in, she tightened everything up until it felt like I was a super-secure package, and yet, at the same time, I didn't feel any sort of weight on myself whatsoever... very strange! 

I was instructed to keep my knees against the door in front of me, and my arms tight in at my sides; the door would swing open and if my arms were out, I'd hurt myself. After a quick safety check, the door swung open and I just... floated away from the building. Seriously, there was no jumping, or dropping, or sudden Oh, shit, I just left the security of a floor beneath my feet feeling whatsoever! I was just gliding above these beautiful trees toward a clearing below. I never once felt frightened or scared, and like I said earlier, it just kind of hit me today that I was 14 stories above very mountainous ground, and falling would have killed me. 

(ETA: So... I brought my new FauxPro action camera with us for this trip, and I was so psyched to use it! Everything seemed to work perfectly... until I got home and realized that NONE of the footage had audio! Nope. I recorded all of this adventure with no audio. But, hey... that just gave me an opportunity to learn how to do voice-over editing... Hope you enjoy the video!)

As I got closer to the bottom (at which point, I'm probably zooming along at 50-55mph), I started trying to figure out how I was supposed to slow down! Skye actually didn't cover that part in the briefing, at least not that I remembered! A tiny little voice started chanting oh shit, ohshit, ohshitohshitohshit,  and then blammo! I hit a series of huge springs that engulfed all that energy and stopped me within a second or two. That was probably the only part of the entire ride that was unpleasant, and I'd say it's a 1/10 unpleasant (mostly because it was unexpected). 

At the bottom, Jacob came out of a little hut to unstrap me and help me out of my chair, and then I boarded a 'tram' that was just a covered-wagon pulled by an ATV. We travelled the interior of TSotH property, which was very natural and beautiful, taking about 10 minutes to get back to the front of the property, and literally 5 steps from our SUV! Hubby didn't know where I'd return from, so I ended up finding him over near the entrance to the gift shop. 

After telling him about how awesome it was, we went inside and filled out a waiver for him so that we could both ride the Copperhead Mountain Coaster. Before getting on, we each had to be weighed to ensure we were within safe weight requirements, and sadly... he actually weighs almost 30lbs less than I do... That's depressing as fuck.

He was still a little apprehensive about this adventure, so I went first, and then he followed. I thought it was really fun, maybe 8/10. I let it go as fast as possible for the most part, though in some of the tighter turns, I slowed down a little (mostly so I didn't get sick!) I did a video for this as well, but of course... no audio... so I can't hear the comments I made about the ride as I returned to the coaster house. It was fun, and it was worth the $16 we paid for each of us, but... I liked the zipline more! I wanted to go again!!

 

So, we went inside so I could go again, and wow! Where did all these people come from! There was a group of 5 middle-aged women in front of us (probably some sort of 'Girls Getaway' type weekend), and a couple in their 60s (who totally reminded me of Hubby and me in 20+ years; they were snuggly with each other and you could tell they truly enjoyed each other's company). the wife had never ziplined, so I was able to tell her what to expect, and we ended up chit-chatting for 5-10 minutes. We found out that it was her birthday today, and they were on their own adventure.

Seeing the future of Hubby and Me?

I was able to pay for another ride (again, saved $10 on that re-ride) and was given a reservation time of 12:20pm. We went outside for 10 minutes to enjoy the beautiful weather (and for me to take more photos), before I gave hubby my phone and wallet and headed up to the 14th floor to wait.

 

She's a tall tower

As seen through the Ropes Course

...and wait.

...and wait some more. 

Skye came out and called a few of the Girls Getaway ladies, as well as Mom & Dad. Dad very kindly pointed out that my reservation was for 12:20, whereas theirs was for 12:40. I opted to sprinkle a little kindness and let Mom & Dad go ahead - it was her birthday after all, and she'd never done it before! 

So I waited some more...

...and some more...

...and some more...

More people were coming upstairs, it was getting very busy up there, and people were getting perturbed that it was taking so long. It was also getting hot and stuffy, thanks to the walls of windows, which was probably also contributing to the grouchiness. At one point, this lady goes Full Metal Karen, demanding to know why she's not getting called for her 1:00pm timeslot that she paid for, goddammit, and it was ONE TEN!!!

Karen needed to read this sign again

Skye, bless her (not even old enough to drink) heart, pulled out her Big Girl Voice and announced, "There are only TWO people working right now {her, and Jacob, at the bottom}, so even though there are "reservations," we can only go as fast as we can go." (Remember, this is in 2021, the 2nd year of Covid bullshit, Covid restrictions, and Covid "fuck this I don't want to go to work" assholes). 

I asked her nicely how many more groups would go until it was my turn, and she said I'd be in the 2nd group (not the next group, but the one after that). At this point, I'd been upstairs for about 90 minutes, so I used the time to go back downstairs and let Hubby know what was happening (he had my phone, remember), then come back upstairs. 

My group was called, and I was put together with a middle-age woman going alone, and an elderly couple. Skye buckled in the elderly couple first, then me, and finally the last woman. This time, it seemed like I went so much faster than the first time; I even finished first, out of the four of us. Maybe because I was the heaviest, I gained speed quicker? Who knows... 

I'm learning how to do it... wait for me!

We chatted with each other as we trammed back to the parking lot and discovered that the elderly couple were RV'ing across the country! We ended up having a 15-minute discussion about RV and Van life, and how to plan for it at our age (we've got about 20-25 years before we can do this adventure thing full-time!)

Back at the SUV, I put my cell phone and wallet back in my pockets, and he took me into the Gift Shop to show me some cool magnets and souvenirs. I picked up an "I Was Brave Enough" tee-shirt (it's soooo soft!), and we paid for a second round on the mountain coaster. It was fun - this time he went first, and waited for me at the end - but it wasn't as fun as the zipline. I wonder, if we'd done the coaster first, would it have been more fun? No way to know...

We left and checked out Henning Scenic Overlook nearby. There's some trails and such, and a covered Overlook Tower, but all in all, it wasn't much, and though I was at least hoping for some pretty photos, I ended up with some basic photos, and a few rocks (of course). 

Overlooking Branson

Branson-style graffiti

They're just a little different here

Just a few more rocks for my collection!

We had lunch at SS Dockside (where I'd wanted to do dinner last night, actually). It was kind of hard to find... After being there for a day, we learned that lots of locations were behind or below other locations, so you couldn't see them from the street. The parking lot was empty, except for a family that had just left, but we figured it was because lunch rush was already over (I think at this point it was past 2pm). 

It was empty inside! Seriously, we were the only customers in the place! We were shown to a table, and immediately, a nice older gentleman came up and asked if we would pose for a photo. I assumed it was for Facebook or other social media, so we obliged. He made some chitchat for a while, suggesting good places to eat and drink (and heavily recommending a specific place - over and over - to buy tickets to local shows). 

Our server, Andy, was good at his job, and ended up selling me on the Three-Shrimp Sampler Dinner (for lunch), which consisted of fried shrimp, blackened shrimp, and sweet chili shrimp, as well as fries, mashed potatoes with gravy, and garlic bread (dude, I'm full just thinking about all that food!). Hubby went with a tried and true cheeseburger & fries. 

Clockwise: Sweet Chili Shrimp, Taters & Gravy, Garlic Bread, Fries, Fried Shrimp, Salad (?), Blackened Shrimp (Hub's Burger & Fries in the background)

His burger was delicious (not Tacker's Shake Shack delicious, but pretty darn good in its own right) and he definitely got the better meal. Mine was just ...okay. The bread was lackluster. The sweet chili shrimp were okay, the blackened a little better, and the fried the best of the bunch, but none were spectacular. The fries were... fries... and the taters were standard. However, I did discover the deliciousness of French fries dipped in brown gravy! How have I never experienced that before? 

Basking in the glory of choosing the better meal

As we ate, Camera Man came back and presented us with a cheesy 8x10 frame with our photo in it (I think the frame was acrylic shaped like a filmstrip?) Oh... I get it now. 

Photo unceremoniously stolen from TripAdvisor

Classic Tourist-Trap upsell! How did I not figure that out! We politely declined to purchase, and he left it at the edge of the table (with the price tag), just in case we changed our mind. He wasn't pushy, but just kind of "Midwest Disappointed" that we didn't jump at the chance to buy it... I almost felt bad, because it seemed like this was his only job. After he left, I joked with Hubby that one way or another, we'd end up stuck having to pay for that thing... Luckily, I was wrong, and we just paid for our meal and headed out. 

Our next stop - maybe not the smartest, with a belly full of food - was Fritz's Adventure, an indoor adventure park. Remember, back at the top of this blog, I said that Hubby was open to doing a Ropes Course? This was the one that he wanted to do. We paid for two All-Access passes, and a rental locker for our stuff, and headed over to the tri-level jungle gym. Unfortunately, we couldn't bring even our cell phones, so Hubby took those back to the locker while I got geared up, and then watched him get geared up when he got back. 

The first row of green is Level 1 (no obstacles on the cement floor)

He only ended up doing most of Level 1. Maybe 5 or 6 crossings (or whatever they're called) before he called it quits. On the one hand, I kind of got mad, because that seemed like such a waste of money to do so little, but on the other hand, I was proud of him for conquering a fear (even if just a little bit). He went back down and took off his gear and then just watched me play for a while. 

The other side of the jungle gym

I did all of Level 1, moved up and did all of Level 2, although the zipline of all things freaked me out a little bit! This one was different than Vigilante, in that I had to step off a platform to zip across the course, rather than just be "released," like the Vigilante. That "leap of faith" was a difficult one, and I felt a little silly... I eventually did it, and yes, it was fun, and yes, I wanted to do it again! I went up to Level 3 and tried one of the crossings, but never even made it across! I think it was a square balance beam that tipped 20º to either side. The catch was that there was no rope or anything to hold on to, so you had to actually balance on that balance beam, or hang on to your safety harness. I think I took about 2 steps before my brain said "nope, nope, nope!" and I backed up to the safety of the solid platform. As I headed back down, I realized how sweaty I was! This whole place is like stealth exercise, and so much fun! I would love to have one of these in my city where I could go play once a week or so. 

You ain't lyin'!

After I caught my breath for a few minutes, we sat and played in the Spinning Chairs that Hubby found while I was still playing on the ropes course. They don't look like much, when you're seeing someone else sit in them, but they're like a spinning top, on the bottom, so when you sit in them, you lean at a pretty serious angle. And when you shift your weight, the whole thing... spins? rotates? I can't find the right word. We'll go with spin, I guess. You're 'spinning' on a very large axis, the bottom edge of the seat, with a small pivot point always touching the ground. It took very little effort to move the seats to start spinning, and you could get going very fast - and you could get very dizzy, if you were like me! If you pulled your feet in, or up toward your chest, you'd spin even faster... It was fun as hell, but I got dizzy quickly, so I couldn't spin as much as I wanted.   

Photo unceremoniously stolen from TripAdvisor

After sitting there for a while, we realized that the area behind us was a Laser Maze, so, of course, we had to go check it out! 

Inside, it was like Mission: Impossible or Ocean's Eleven - it was a black room, full of fog and green lasers crisscrossing the room. The point was to cross the room to hit a blinking light, without crossing any of the lasers. When you hit the light, the lasers reset and you had to cross again to another blinking light. Over and over until time ran out. I went first, and broke 4 lasers. He went next and broke 7. 

Outside catching our breath (again, stealth exercise!), we found a cool observation window on the side and watched another family run around like idiots breaking the lasers, instead of avoiding them... Turns out there was another mode you could play called Break the Beams. Hubby and I played that next, and it was just like what you'd expect - the room filled with lasers, and you had to run around and cross them to "break" them. If you had time, the room would refill and you'd go again. I didn't catch what our score was, but compared to the other family, it was about the same as what they did. When we came out, we saw that they'd been watching us, so we joked and said we should team up to see if we could break the High Score if we all got in there together... we didn't break the record. But we had fun!

I checked in with a staff member to see how long it would take to do the Tree-Top Zip, but unfortunately it would take over an hour, from start to finish, and there was no quitting halfway through... oh well! Maybe next time we're there. After that, we sat for a little while, and watched a girl (maybe about 8 years old?) trying (and failing) to zip. She'd get over there then chicken out. Or sit down. Or back away from the platform. Over and over. I got way too emotionally invested in this kid, lol! All I wanted to see was this little girl zip across. I think it took her about a half-hour, but she finally screwed up all of her courage and did  it - the entire place broke into applause for her! I guess I wasn't the only one paying attention to her!

On our way out, we passed The Cement Mixer (a half-buried cement mixer), and I kind of dared Hubby to go inside, "I'll do it if you do it." Always up for an adventure, he got in pretty easily, though it took a few tries and he banged his knee into the side. It took me a few tries, but that was just because I had to find the right approach to fit my big ol' self in the tiny hole. I didn't know what to expect once we were inside... I thought it was literally just a hollowed-out mixer. But there were tunnels. 

Looks perfectly normal from this side, but there's a hole under those handles!

Tiny Children for Scale (Photo unceremoniously stolen from TripAdvisor)

At least they were well-constructed tunnels with straight sides. Hubby took off ahead of me, disappearing out of sight. When I caught up to him, maybe 200-300 feet later, he was by a hole (a tiny-looking hole) at the end of the tunnel, and he said it looked like we'd have to crawl out of the hole and into The Pit. Luckily, there was also a ladder that took you up to the floor of the main building. I was claustrophobic and ready to be OUT of that place! We gathered our belongings from the locker, I took a few photos of the place, and we headed back out to the car.  

To celebrate being old as hell, and not dying at Fritz's, we went across the street to get some celebratory donuts at Hurts Donut. Another How'd I Find This Place? place, though I probably found it on TripAdvisor, I had previously checked out their website and fallen in love with everything about it. Especially how they showed their donuts! 

The Do's and Donuts

More Donut Rules

Just one example of how they show their donuts online

We opted for a half-dozen (which turned out to be way too many); I got Vanilla Birthday Cake, ET, and Jesús Cheesecake. Hubby got Andes, German Chocolate, and Cotton Candy (as seen above, modeled oh so nicely). We also picked up two sodas in "Commemorative" cups (big ol' plastic cups). We took everything back to the hotel to gorge on sugar. 

TOP: Birthday Cake, ET, Jesús Cheesecake
BOTTOM: Cotton Candy, Andes, German Chocolate

The Jesús Cheesecake donut was delicious - it was an unfilled yeast donut, topped with cinnamon buttercream, chocolate drizzle, cinnamon sugar, and finished with a dollop of cheesecake. Dare I say... the cheesecake was a detriment to the donut; it was better without it! It was so sweet, I couldn't finish all of it. The Vanilla Birthday Cake was perfection; tasted just like a birthday cake (I had this one for breakfast the next morning). the ET was a cake donut with buttercream and tiny Reese's Pieces. It was good, but my least favorite of the three. Hubby had the German Chocolate first, and while I didn't try the actual German Chocolate frosting (I dislike coconut), the donut itself was very tasty. He had the Andes for breakfast, and it was delicious. The cotton candy was good, but nothing about it stands out, as I'm thinking about it right now (also, the cotton candy chunk on top wilted overnight and crystallized). 

I wanted to head back out and do some more touristy stuff, but Hubby wasn't up for it, so I flew solo. Unfortunately, The Beef Jerky Outlet (no, really, that's what it's called!) was closed, but I was able to make it to Ozarkland (a big ol' gift shop). I picked up some taffy, a magnet, some bottled soda, some candy, and the best piece of maple fudge outside of St. Augustine! Everyone there was so nice and friendly. I chitchatted with the staff while I checked out and it turned out that one of them was headed down to my town to go to school in a few weeks! What a small world!

Photo: Dana Loesch (follow her on Twitter!)

My next stop was to explore a Price Chopper Grocery Store. I've heard about them, as a "frugal" type grocery store. It was meh... it just seemed like a regular grocery store to me. I picked up some orange juice for breakfast the next day, as well as another bottled soda, as well as a bag of chips to review when we got home. 

At this point, I was thinking of just hitting up a gas station for snacks and heading back to the hotel, but when I put my sunglasses back on, I realized they were broken! Okay, well, I guess it's time to visit the Branson Walmart, lol. I got major flashback/vintage vibes when I walked in, because it may be the last remaining Walmart that was not a Super Walmart! I picked up some sunglasses, as well as three bags of Utz snacks, then headed back to the hotel for the night. I enjoyed a hot bath, then some Redneck Charcuterie (Slim Jims and chips) before calling it a night. I was exhausted! 

                                                 Shirt of the Day                                                 

Strange Planet: Maintain Your Grasp 
(80s kids should totally get this reference immediately)